Kitty lovers unite (way off topic)

[TAPPY]

Thoughts On Cats:
(for the cat lovers.....as I know by recent posts by Bumper and Karen)

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."
- Lazarus Long,

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a cat."
- Franklin P. Jones

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
- Anonymous

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to
pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and
get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject
to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who
suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They
are all owned by cats." - Anonymous

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
- Missy Dizick

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any
harm to ask for what you want." - Joseph Wood Krutch

And what you can learn from your cat:

Make the world your playground.

Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up.

If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard
until you do.

When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you
just to shut you up.

Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.

Nap often.

When in trouble, just purr and look cute.

Life is hard, and then you nap.

Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few
hours.

When in doubt, cop an attitude.

Variety is the spice of Life. One day, ignore people;
the next day, annoy them.

Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains
are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each
corner.

Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the
bed tells them, "I care."

When you have something important to say, try to say
it in the dead of night when you're SURE everyone's
sleeping. There's no better way to get the attention
you deserve.

[Bumper]

You don't want to get me started, Tappy. I've got approximately a jillionty-nine things in my files about cats and dogs and other critters. Oops, make that varmints, I guess. Sorry, Crit.

[tommy]

Tappy that is all so true....Makes you wonder who really runs the show!

[Trish]

My 3 kitties - Stevie, Nick, and Maxi - allowed me to read this thread, but only after they read it first!

[Nerak936]

Tappy:

Thanks for a delightful read!! My kitties rule my life at times, and I wouldn't have it any other way!!

When I was dating (pre-David, of course), one of the first things I'd ask a potential suitor was, "Are you allergic to cats?" If he was or if he didn't like cats (most people either love 'em or hate 'em), he was crossed off my list.

A girl has to have her priorities in order!!

[Critter]

Originally Posted by Bumper

You don't want to get me started, Tappy. I've got approximately a jillionty-nine things in my files about cats and dogs and other critters. Oops, make that varmints, I guess. Sorry, Crit.

It's okay - mostly

[Critter]

4 cats, 4 dogs, 3 birds - that is all that is left of our zoo. At one time both of my girls worked for vets, and we ended up with a lot of animals in this house.

[denisea]

No kids, no dogs, just 3 cats --- Billy, Bobby, and Garcia --- and one golf crazed husband, Keith.

[Donna]

3 kids , 3 cats and one sunseeker!

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by greek2me

3 kids , 3 cats and one sunseeker!

Presumably, the kids are intact, but which of the others are "fixed?" O-o-o-o-o!! An aggressive forehand, and then charge the net!!

This message courtesy of The Boyz - Rocky & Baylee, the "fur people" who run our place.

Adam said, “Lord, When I was in the Garden of Eden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonely here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”

And God said, “No problem, my son, I will create a companion for you who will be with you forever, and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish, or childish, or unlovable you may be, this new companion will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good creature. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam. And he wagged his tail.

Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in your Kingdom, and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem, my son. Because I have created this new creature to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam, and as a faithful companion to him, and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content, and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock, and he believes himself worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.”

And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him yet another companion who will be with him forever, and who will see him as he is. This new companion will make him mindful of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.

And Adam was greatly improved.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat, of course, didn’t give a shit one way or the other.

[Bumper]

I think I indicated that once I got going I might not be able to stop. You were warned! Stop Me!! Before I post again!!

How to Train a Human Being - A Feline Perspective


Human beings are large, clumsy animals, with extremely poor night vision, that make a lot of noise. However, they live in comfortable weather-proof homes, and are easily trained.

CHOOSING YOUR HUMAN:
Few humans realize the fact that we choose which humans to live with, and which ones to avoid. Bypass humans who start sneezing when we get close. They are allergic to us. Also avoid those that try to kick us. An acceptable human will bend down, reach out to scratch an ear, and say something stupid like, “Nice kitty, kitty.” The trick is to tolerate this behavior long enough to gain entry to the human’s home, in order to determine if they have a suitable environment to accommodate one of our superior species.

GETTING CARRIED AROUND:
While walking to one’s destination is preferable, it is nevertheless enjoyable to be picked up and carried around by a human, because this can provide a much loftier view of things. Female humans are generally more likely to pick you up. They will attempt to scratch your belly, so arch your back and they will reach under you. For some reason, at this point, most humans will instinctively pick us up.

GETTING FED ON TIME:
Humans are somewhat erratic in their eating habits, but this shortcoming must not be allowed to interfere with our getting fed exactly on schedule every day. Pick a time - five in the morning is a popular choice - and insist on being fed. Vocalize your hunger, and if necessary, wake the human up, since they will likely be asleep at this time. In the initial stages of this training, the human will often put you outside, thinking your agitation is caused by a call of nature. But in a week or two, even the slowest human will catch on, and will see to it that your food is made available in a timely manner.

GETTING THE RIGHT FOOD:
Unfortunately, most modern humans have lost the ability to hunt effectively, thus they are forced to purchase all their food. Generally, they buy things in cans, bags, or boxes to feed us. They should have to eat this stuff! As long as you have an adequate supply of naturally obtained food (i.e. tasty little mice) the appropriate training regime is to approach the bowl of this disgusting processed food, sniff at it disdainfully, circle the bowl a few times, and then depart to your favourite perch for a refreshing nap. After a few days of this behavior, the human will begin to feel guilty at the thought of your potential starvation. Eventually, they will produce something moderately edible. If, by chance, something really exceptional turns up, make sure the human is aware this is much preferred to the unpalatable dry crunchy stuff.


NAPPING SITES:
Human dwellings are just full of agreeable places to nap, such as sunny window sills, the tops of dressers, inside cozy closets, under couches, or wherever. Many of these locations, however, will initially be places over which the human mistakenly believes they have control. You must demonstrate to them immediately that this sort of territorial behavior is unacceptable. Typically, if a human finds you in a place they perceive as theirs, they will grab you and toss you. You will enjoy an exciting moment of flight. Return promptly to your former location. Repeat this process as often as necessary. Eventually, the human will mutter, “Stupid kitty,” and leave you undisturbed.

OTHER CATS:
Some humans are excessively fond of our companionship, and therefore attempt to introduce more than one of us into their home. Remember, the first one inside is king (or queen) Humans dislike the sound of our displeasure being voiced at an intruder, but they will rarely do anything about it. It can be pleasant to have a few companions around, providing the human increases the food supply appropriately.

THE LITTER BOX:
Most humans are fairly conscientious about cleaning out the litter box with sufficient frequency. However, from time to time a careless human will accidentally lock us in a room, or neglect to clean the litter box often enough. We all know what to do to the human should this occur, don’t we?

GIFTS:
Humans have forgotten that they are animals, so they don’t understand gifts. Don’t bother attempting to re-educate them. Keep the mouse for yourself.

EXPRESSING AFFECTION:
The time-honoured arrangement is that we get a warm, dry, free place to live, with adequate food provided, in exchange for once in a while recognizing that the human exists, and letting them touch us. Humans enjoy hearing us purr, because they believe that is our way of indicating we are happy. They obviously have no idea. Avoid becoming too stand-off-ish or aloof, as the human is likely to misinterpret your actions, and become anxious and agitated. When it comes to dinner, a calm human is a reliable and predictable human.

NAMING:
Humans feel a need to identify and personalize us by assigning us names. If you don’t like the name they have selected, act deaf. Once they pick a name you find acceptable, you may respond. If the human is particularly agreeable and congenial, and you are able to teach them our language, you may choose to share your true name with them.

CONCLUSION:
Humans are significantly easier to train, and much better companions than other species, for example, their stupid dogs.

[TAPPY]

I knew there were alot of kitty lovers on this board !!!!


Does your cat own you ????? How to tell:

Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at
the box with the scoop in your hand?
Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks
the butter?
Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your
cats when you move?
Do you kiss your cat on the lips?
Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?
Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?
Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?
Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food
in the refrigerator?
Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain
your cat?
Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain
while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on
a bad date?
Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you
spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?
Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on
Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?
Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both
watched the same commercial on television?
Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?
Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so
you won't disturb the sleeping cat?
At the store, do you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before
you pick out anything for yourself?
Do you cook a special treat for your cat on holidays?
Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of
an omelet made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?
Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring
them out when your friends share pictures of their children?
(Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's
pictures in their wallets, by the way.)
When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that
they say a few words to your cat as well?
When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your
cat, by name, to them?

[squish]

Ain't this just the cat's A*#??????

[equinenut]

One dog, two cats, three horses.
My favorite "cat quote":
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Don't we love em though!?

[Anna]

Our house has gained quite a reputation in the local cat community as a nice dry place with plenty of food and little interference in your every day cat-life. We have now started to turn hopefuls away, after having accepted six of these wonderful creatures. We have Kitty, the pretty and skittish Tabby; Todd, the big red handsome king-cat, Tessie, the white-and-red perpertually hungry 'pig in a cat suit'; Wendy, the friendly Calico; Penny, the social and quirky white one and finally Precious, the little fluffy Siamese, who is so cute she received special treatment (she totally knows it). Quite a little collection. They make us laugh every day...