FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Are You a Southerner?

[Bumper]

Are You A Southerner?

This is a true assessment of your Southern-ness. This test really can’t be cheated on, either you know it or you don’t. The true southerner should achieve a minimum score in the high teens. (I assume Crit has probably already fired up Google, since he’ll likely freely admit he’s no southerner)

1. How many Vienna sausages are there in a standard can?

2. What was the number and colour of Richard Petty’s cars?

3. Bill Dance is good at what?

4. What university does Bill Dance root for?

5. Where did Hershel Walker play college football?

6. After boiling peanuts for an hour, what have you got?

7. In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8?

8. A Cajun is likely to speak what Furrin language?

9. What is a chigger?

10. What is scrapple?

11. Where is the “Redneck Riviera?”

12. What’s that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak tree?

13. What follows logically: Johnson, Mercury, __________?

14. What’s the common name for a bowfin?

15. If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?

16. Who sang, “Your Cheatin’ Heart?”

17. What are grits made out of?

18. Who was nicknamed “The Bear?”

19. Why is the Blue Ridge blue?

20. What did the Baldwin Sisters make?

21. Who was Andy Taylor’s love interest?

22. What are the call letters for the radio station that originates “The Grand Ol’ Opry?”

23. What sport requires three legs and a rope?

24. What instrument did Bill Munroe typically play?

25. How many strings on a banjo? (2 possible answers)

26. When you argue with a fool, what is he doing?

27. What is a scuppernong?

28. Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu?

29. Why do you want to eat “high on the hog?”

30. What colour is your John Deere?

31. What do you call the offspring of a mule?

32. What do you harvest when you plant “shade?”

33. Where would you grow yellow onions?

Each correct answer is worth three points, and you get a one point bonus just for starting. Total - 100 points.

Answers - Tomorrow, mostly.

[Critter]

Got to be part southern as I know some of them. Will answer what I know if you like, if not I will wait

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by Critter

Got to be part southern as I know some of them. Will answer what I know if you like, if not I will wait

Your option, Crit, but I think we should let 'em stew for a while. I managed 68 1/2 points when I took the test. I thought that was pretty good, but then I'm from "Southern" Manitoba.

[Critter]

Well there you go then. But to give everyone some hints

Are You A True Southerner?

A true Southerner knows what "catywompus" means.

A true Southerner knows the difference between a "hissie fit" and a "conniption" and they don't "HAVE" them, they "PITCH" them.

Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "YONDER".

A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

A true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!).

True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "Just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

A true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A true Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

A true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

True Southerners make friends while standing in lines. And when we are "in line" we talk to everybody!

Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin .," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

[TAPPY]

mmmmm boiled peanuts, !!!!! (yummy) But you must have a RC Cola and a moon pie to go with it !!!!

I am a Southerner, no doubt about it, even though I was born in Wisconsin !!!


But here is something any true Southerner would know :
25 Ways to Annoy a Yankee

<> Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
<> Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
<> When giving directions, end with "it's right down yonder on the left."
<> Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
<> When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
<> Talk loudly and often about SEC football or basketball.
<> Refer to every soft drink as a "Coke."
<> Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
<> Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie, John Michael, Jim Bob, etc.)
<> Frequently bring up the "War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War," always say that "there was nothing civil about it."
<> Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady."
<> Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's not "pee-can."
<> Put Tabasco Sauce on everything.
<> For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", respond with, "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
<> When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies...banana ones.
<> Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
<> "Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.
<> Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin' to do" something.
<> Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
<> Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations..
<> Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions.
"Now go down Jefferson Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there."
"You said left."
"Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town."
<> Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. :p

[Trish]

Crit & Tappy, I think y'all outdid Bumper on this one. This southern little lady was noddin' in agreement with your lists, while I can only admit to answering a couple (& everyone knows that "a couple" doesn't necessarily mean just two down here) of Bumper's test questions! This does kinda remind me of a joke my mother used to tell, though. Can't remember all of it, so I'm not going to try to recite it now.

Tyyyyyrraaaaa - you remember that story Mom used to tell about the Southern Ladies sittin' on the porch???

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by Trish

Crit & Tappy, I think y'all outdid Bumper on this one.

Okay, I'll take that as a challenge, and offer the following in reply.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A SOUTHERNER WHEN...

The Hallowe’en pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

Your richest relative buys a new home and you have to help him take the wheels off of it.

You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper to be quality entertainment.

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Directions to your house include, “Turn off the paved road.”

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You prefer to walk the excess length off your new jeans, rather than hem them.

Your family tree does not fork.

You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table, in front of her kids.

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

You wonder how service stations keep their washrooms so clean.

At least one member of your family has died immediately after saying, “Hey, watch this!”

You think Dom Perignon is a mafia boss.

Your wife’s hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.

Your junior prom had its own daycare.

You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The blue book value of your truck fluctuates with the amount of gas in the tank.

You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You need one more hole punched in your card to qualify for a freebie at The House of Tatoos.

You can’t marry your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

Your toilet paper has page numbers.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow, but she can’t collect till she turns fourteen.

You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the men’s room in the Flying J truck stop.

You’ve got more than one brother named Darryl.

You return from a trip to the dump with more than you took.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey And The Bandit was passed over for Best Picture.

Someone asks for your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

You have flowers planted in the bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

Your pick up has a two tone paint job - red primer and grey primer.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Starlight Drive-In Theatre.

The police have your mobile home park at least twice this year.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.

You’ve ever cut your front lawn and found a car.

You own a homemade fur coat.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

Anyone in your family has “ammo” on their Christmas list.

You’ve ever bought a used baseball cap.

You bought a VCR because WWF wrestling is on while you’re at work.

Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.

You neighbours have circulated a petition over your Christmas lights.

The only example of “fine art” in your home is painted on black velvet.

You’ve ever used a Weedeater indoors.

Your family goes hungry because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

You’ve ever made change from the collection plate at your church.

Your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

You’ve ever hit a deer with your car...on purpose.

You replace a flat tire on your truck with one from your house.

You’ve ever grilled Spam on the barbeque.

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

[Trish]

I should have known better! Didn't mean to get you all riled up, Sir Bumper, Oh Great One of the Forum. Please accept my most humble apologies!

I guess there's some truth to all of the above, but I always thought that those descriptions would be more specific to small groups of folks (like from the back-woods of states I'll leave unnamed) rather than the generality of "Southerners". You're quite right, though. Life in the South is quite its own culture, which is, I suppose, the gist of this post! I reckon I oughta get my southern feathers unruffled, huh!

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by Trish

I should have known better! Didn't mean to get you all riled up, Sir Bumper, Oh Great One of the Forum. Please accept my most humble apologies!

I guess there's some truth to all of the above, but I always thought that those descriptions would be more specific to small groups of folks (like from the back-woods of states I'll leave unnamed) rather than the generality of "Southerners". You're quite right, though. Life in the South is quite its own culture, which is, I suppose, the gist of this post! I reckon I oughta get my southern feathers unruffled, huh!

No apologies necessary. No problema, amiga. There's some folks you just can't offend, and I'm one of them, mostly. Here you thought I was just fat, when it turns out those extra inches are actually an incredibly thick skin. I just enjoy a challenge.

As to your other point...I have a confession to make...that latest bit of foolishness was in my files as "You Know You're a Redneck When...", but I changed it to be a "southerner" when I took up the gauntlet. No character assassination intended, but sometimes you get to exercise an editor's privilege. I trust nobody took offence, and I don't imagine anyone did - nobody takes me seriously anyway. It was all intended to be in fun. As far as the South goes, we've travelled around down there a bit and always found the people great hosts. Having said that, some of the stereotypes are definitely based on fact. We've met a few genuine cartoon characters along the way, but not just in the South. And I don't care what anybody says...some of you southerners do talk funny!! Your feathers are just fine the way they are, by the way.

[TAPPY]

Bumper you are talking about rednecks....not "true southerners" (Think Rhett and Scarlett, Andy Taylor, Aunt Bea ) not Dukes of Hazzards and Cooter !!!!

Nothing but Crazy Cajuns here in South Louisiana...(here is how you can tell)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A NEW ORLEANS/LOUISIANA NATIVE IF ...
Enjoy, dawlin'.

Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
You can pronounce and spell Tchoupitoulas.
The major topics of conversation when you go out to eat are restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future.
You judge a restaurant by its bread.
You think `drinking water' when you look at the Mississippi
The white stuff on your face is powdered sugar.
The four seasons of your year are crawfish, shrimp, crab and oyster
You have stood "da line" at Galatoire's.
A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French fries that fell under the seat.

Eating Crawfish
Suck da head, squeeze da tip...Someone at a crawfish boil says, and "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what they mean.
You don't really teach people the right way to eat crawfish, so there's more for you.

Carnival Time
You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
Little old ladies push you out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
You have a parade ladder in your shed.

Drinking
You're out of town and you stop and ask someone where there's a drive-thru daiquiri place (then they look at you like you have three heads).
You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast.
You know better than to drink hurricanes

[Lil G]

oh, sir bumper......how does this always get so out of hand?????

[Trish]

Originally Posted by Bumper

that latest bit of foolishness was in my files as "You Know You're a Redneck When...", but I changed it to be a "southerner" when I took up the gauntlet.

Ha! I knew it!! I was just pitchin' a conniption!

Originally Posted by Bumper

And I don't care what anybody says...some of you southerners do talk funny!! .

Well, I do de-clay-a, I reckon you oughta refer to Tappy's list up yonder - #19 to be more specific - of 25 Ways to Annoy a Yankee...

Originally Posted by TAPPY

<> Tell them you don't have an accent, they do. :p

Now, I'm fixin' to cut off the lights and head up the stairs a piece and go to bed directly

Good Night John Boy.

[roni]

A true Southerner knows how many people you can feed with a mess of fish.

[sctx]

Hey Bump.... how come you never pick on Californians ????

[TAPPY]

Trish you are cracking me up !!!!!! You Are most def a part of the ya ya sisterhood !!!!

I am fixing to go make me a Bloody Mary !!!!