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Posted this once, quite a while back. Should be good for a few chuckles again. Insert "Non Value-Added Poster" for "Obnoxious Poster"

The following comes to you courtesy of Tappy.

Her disclaimer: This list is intended as humour, and consists mostly of things you should NOT do. If you do, you're a bad, naughty person. Bad person! Naughty! Naughty, bad person! Okay, now that's out of the way, without further ado...

How to recognize an obnoxious poster on the Playa Board!!

- They lead a tireless crusade for the creation of new topics with silly names like "hairy butts in Playa."

- They post a compendium of old articles from a thread that died months ago, with a title such as, "***HAS JOE SMITH FORGOTTEN HIS LIES?***"

- They post a 56-part binary MPG file of a dog throwing up.

- They provide a valuable public service by notifying us of a new "HOOTERAMA" phone sex service.

- They post elaborate conspiracy theories to talk politics or detailing how ATF agents under the control of John Kerry have implanted invisible microchips in your genitals.

- They inform readers that your friend at a particular e-mail address is taking a "member" length survey, and the first 1,000 people to send him their measurements will receive free naked pictures of Halle Berry.

- They correct every spelling mistake they encounter, but misspell the word "imbecile" in the follow-up flames.

- They provoke insightful and productive debates on such fresh, new topics as abortion, gun control, and the existence of God.

- They pick a cutesy handle that inspires vicarious embarrassment in other readers, such as "SoHot4U," "SokSniffer," or "Wet-N-Wild."

- They maintain a high level of constructive decorum by addressing someone with whom they disagree as, "Monkey Boy."

- They post to urban legends that this guy that a friend of your uncle's ex-girlfriend's boss knew received the donated heart of River Phoenix.

- They relentlessly inform the readers about UFO, JFK, OJ, NRA, Nutrasweet, and Azeri genocide theories, and relate them all to sunspot activities and ancient astronauts.

- They post whining posts to berate the readers for not responding.

- They construct a device that lets your pets post to Usernet by pawing or pecking a feeder bar.

- They post the Niemann Marcus cookie recipe.

- They eliminate nearly all meaningful traffic on the Playa board for weeks by challenging its readership to come up with as many synonyms as possible for the word "vomit." (Spew?)

- They claim you can see "hidden images" in another person's posting if you cross your eyes.

- They ask Austrian readers about kangaroos.

- They include Rush lyrics or Rush quotes in all their posts.

- They accuse female posters of being males.

- They insist that anyone objecting to anything they disagree with is "judgemental."

- They claim to be an amorous high school cheerleader or stripper.

- They list a cute organization name in their header, such as "Canadians For Global Warming."

- They insult a poster from another nation based on his country's performance in World War II.

- They post to ask if there are any nurses in Portland willing to spank them, and then follow up with an apology.

- They steer all debates to their own pet areas of expertise, regardless of their relevance.

- They insinuate vague conspiracies in all their posts.

- They claim that unidentified government agencies are censoring their posts.

- They ask readers to collect aluminum pop-tops on behalf of Craig Shergold.

- They POST IN ALL CAPS.

- They omit all punctuation

- They omitallspaces

- They DOALLTHREEOFTHEABOVE

- They dispense essential and priceless financial advise, such as the assertion that nobody is really legally required to pay taxes.

- They demand that others cease using the letter "e", as they find it "dply offnsiv."

- They assume that the entire Playa board shares their interest in helping them find a lonely Ukrainian love lass.

- They start pointless debates over topics such as whether George Bush has eyebrows, what happens when you cross the International Dateline, and whether the bad guy in the Popeye cartoons was named "Brutus" or "Bluto."