FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Hickphonics

[Bumper]

Okay, it's been a few days since I picked on our chums from the South, and I think I'm going into withdrawal. So, while we've poked a little fun at some uniquely Southern terminology in the past, perhaps the following might shed a little light;

Hickphonics

The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland has cashed in by labeling the study of African American slang as “Ebonics”, has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless supply of taxpayer’s money available through Washington by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics”, as a language to be taught in all southern institutions of education.

A speaker of the language would be a “Hickaphone.” The following are a few excerpts from the Hickphonics / English dictionary.


HEIDI - (noun). A salutation or greeting.

HIRE YEW - (complete sentence). Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?”

BARD - (verb). Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH - (noun). The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”

BAMMER - (noun). The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ lef $20,000,000 in improvements.”

MUNTS - (noun). A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, an’ I ain’t herd from him in munts.”

THANK - (verb). Ability to cognitively process. Usage: “I thank ah’ll have a bare.”

BARE - (noun). An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops and yeast. Usage: “I thank ah’ll have a bare.”

IGNERNT - (adjective). Not smart. See “Arkansas Native”. Usage: “Them Bammer boys shore are ignernt.”

RANCH - (noun). A tool used for “tatnin” bolts. Usage: “I thank I lef’ my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjah bard a few munts ago.”

ALL - (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I shore hope my brother from Jawjah puts all in that pickup truck he bard a few munts back.”

FAR - (noun). A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjah don’t put all in that pickup truck he bard a few munts back, it’s sho’ nuff gonna catch far.”

TAR - (noun). A rubber wheel. Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjah don’t git no flat tar on that pickup truck of mine he bard a few munts back.”

TIRE - (noun). A tall monument. Usage: “Lord willin’, and the creek don’t rise, I shore do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

RETARD - (verb). To stop working. Usage: “My grampaw retard at 65.”

FAT - (noun, verb) 1. A battle or combat. 2. To engage in battle or combat. Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.”

RATS - (noun). Power or privilege to which one is entitled. Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

FARN - (adjective). Not local. Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...mus be from some farn country.”

DID - (adjective). Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”

EAR - (noun). A colourless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: “He cain’t harley breathe...give him some ear.”

BOB WAR - (noun). A sharp twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay way from thet bob war fence.”

JAW HERE - (noun and verb contraction). Usage: “Jaw here my brother from Jawjuh got a job wit thet bob war fence cump’ny?”

Haze - (noun and verb contraction). Usage: “Is Bubba smart? Nah...he’s ignernt. He ain’t thanked but a minnit ‘n his laf.”

SEED - (verb). Past tense of “to see.” Usage: “Anybody seed my brother from Jawjah what bard my pickup truck a few munts back?”

VIEW - (verb and pronoun contraction). Usage: “I ain’t never seed New Yawk City...view?”

GUMMIT - (noun). A bureaucratic institution. Usage: “Them gummint fellers is more ignernt then them Bammer boys.”

[local8]

you left off one:

Sister - (noun). A man's wife and the daughter of his parents.

[tommy]

Thats Just funny!!!!!!!!!!! and so true. Im surrounded by Hicks!

[TAPPY]

You forgot one !!!!

ax - I need to ax you a question !!!!

[Shammy]

Nahhh Tam, ax is word that the Statin Izlanders use up here.

Lemme ax yous a question...do yous got any soders to go wit these nachers we ordered? Lemme ax yous sumthin else....don't yous people eva warsh yer winders? That dirt is so thick, I could measure it wit a rula.



And people think I tawlk funny.