[Bumper]

An Australian outback farmer decided one day that he would dispose of all his cattle to generate a cash reserve to see him through a predicted drought. He contacted a cattle buyer who examined the animals and set a price. Convinced that the quoted price was far too low, the farmer decided he could do better by offering the cattle at auction at the district fair. During the sale, the cows broke loose and trampled a gate leading to a tent where a local band was performing "Waltzing Matilda." The agitated herd milled around the uniformed musicians in confusion, but fortunately no one was injured. The rowdy crowd from the livestock auction followed the animals into the tent, and good naturedly cheered them on. When the cattle were brought under control again, the auction resumed. By then, they had gained so much attention that they sold for over twice as much as had originally been offered. This surely proves that...a herd in the band is worth two in the bush.

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It was Hallowe'en and three vampires entered a saloon and walked up to the bar. "What will you have? The bartender asked.

"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.

"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.

"I'll have a glass of plasma," responded the third.

"Okay, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"

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Declining church attendance has been a problem for some time now. With this in mind, and in hopes of increasing participation, many churches are trying new and innovative schemes to attract more patrons. In order to keep up with the current trend and interest in improving physical fitness, many churches are offering workout facilities to their parishioners.

They're calling it the God and Run Club.

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Anaheim Mighty Dick superstar, Teemu Selanne, had never had his father see him play professional hockey. He was thrilled to have his father visit him recently to watch him play. In honour of the occasion, his good friend, goalie Mikkail Shtalenkov, arranged a special banquet at the famed local Scandinavian restaurant - Gustav's, where the noted chef, Anders Strandberg, prepared a gourmet dinner of the Selanne's favourite Finnish dishes. In addition to the entire Mighty Ducks team and staff, representatives of the Disney organization and Orange County dignitaries attended, with the entire tab being picked up by the Duck's net-minder. It was a huge success. The Orange County Register reported the next day that it was certainly a dinner worthy of the father, the son and the goalie host.