How male & female definitions differ.... - Page 2

TAPPY · 06-28-2004

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS:
Cmon...This place is a mess!
You and I need to clean.
Your pants are on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
if we don't do laundry now!

WHAT A MAN HEARS:
C'MON....blah, blah, blah
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!

**Bumper** · 06-28-2004

And yet another entry...

Chivalry is not dead, it’s just gone into hiding. With the emergence of strong, assertive women who construe certain gestures of common courtesy as a sign of weakness, condescension, and a capitol offence, gentlemen have to be careful of who they hold the door open for. Each man must devise his own guidelines for how and when to act. To aid these poor, confused creatures, we therefore proudly present...

THE SEXIST PIG’S GUIDE TO CHIVALRY IN THE ‘90s

1. RISING TO THE OCCASION

Moral Dilemma: You’re rushing through a department store and reach the escalator at the same moment as an attractive young lady. Do you stop and let her get on in front of you?

Sexist Solution: Ask yourself, “Do I want this person’s butt at my face-level for the next 45 seconds?” Act accordingly.

2. CHIVALRY IN THE SUBWAY

Moral Dilemma: You’re sitting on the subway reading your newspaper. You look up to see a very attractive but tired looking young chick standing over you. Should you offer her your seat?

Sexist Solution: Do so instantly if she is either pregnant or wearing a low-cut blouse that will allow you to enjoy her cleavage and see all the way down to her navel when you’re standing over her drooling.

3. SHARING THE LOAD

Moral Dilemma: A female friend is over-laden with packages. Should you be so presumptuous as to offer to ease her burden?

Sexist Solution: If she is carrying the bags upon her chest, relieve her at once, as this will offer you an excellent opportunity to cop a feel.

4. SEXUAL PURSE-SUIT

Moral Dilemma: A hot babe you’d like to meet drops her purse and its content spill in front of you. Should you help her reclaim the displaced personal articles, or should you casually take up a position behind her to more effectively gawk at her butt?

Sexist Solution: Immediately bend down and assist. Not only will this provide the perfect opportunity to introduce yourself, but you’ll get a great view of her cleavage, and, you’ll know what kind of protection she carries in her purse (ie: pills, condoms, Mace).

5. SPLITTING THE BILL

Moral Dilemma: You’re out to a special dinner with a sex goddess. When the cheque comes, she insists on paying half. If you’re already sure sex is a certainty, should you insist she take her money back?

Sexist Solution: No. To refuse her now could upset her, meaning that she might later refuse you something. Instead, use the money you save to buy her a gift. For example, take her to dinner again next week, that way you get to nail her twice for the same investment.

TAPPY · 06-28-2004

Bumper - that is a classic !!! I think they guys in my office must have wrote that !!!!! :p

Critter · 06-28-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAPPY

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS:
Cmon...This place is a mess!
You and I need to clean.
Your pants are on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
if we don't do laundry now!

WHAT A MAN HEARS:
C'MON....blah, blah, blah
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!

Your point? We hear the important parts.

Highdark -> taught to us from an early age you never never look.......................Especially in a men's room.

Softy57 · 06-28-2004

I'll agree with most Critter,but #1 doesn't fly for me. My ex-husband could un-hook a bra one-handed,in a typhoon,in 2 secs. And I am the one who can clean out the air filter,check the oil etc.lol
Also,1st put the seat up-aim & fire,shake well-put seat down. 2 sons,ex-hubby-sig-other & now gr.-son[the worst]but will have him in shape by 2007 or die in the attempt!

Let the sunshine

Lil G · 06-28-2004

How To Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.[/quote]

I wish I would have known that one at 28!!!! Thanks for the chuckles, Sir Bump!!

Rainman · 06-28-2004

:off_topic Shall we turn to the good book here. Man has wrote women was created from rib bone of Adam. Women write Man was created from ass bone from God (she was in a good mood that day).

Seeking short life.

Rainman

06-28-2004	#17 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,105	And yet another entry... Chivalry is not dead, it’s just gone into hiding. With the emergence of strong, assertive women who construe certain gestures of common courtesy as a sign of weakness, condescension, and a capitol offence, gentlemen have to be careful of who they hold the door open for. Each man must devise his own guidelines for how and when to act. To aid these poor, confused creatures, we therefore proudly present... THE SEXIST PIG’S GUIDE TO CHIVALRY IN THE ‘90s 1. RISING TO THE OCCASION Moral Dilemma: You’re rushing through a department store and reach the escalator at the same moment as an attractive young lady. Do you stop and let her get on in front of you? Sexist Solution: Ask yourself, “Do I want this person’s butt at my face-level for the next 45 seconds?” Act accordingly. 2. CHIVALRY IN THE SUBWAY Moral Dilemma: You’re sitting on the subway reading your newspaper. You look up to see a very attractive but tired looking young chick standing over you. Should you offer her your seat? Sexist Solution: Do so instantly if she is either pregnant or wearing a low-cut blouse that will allow you to enjoy her cleavage and see all the way down to her navel when you’re standing over her drooling. 3. SHARING THE LOAD Moral Dilemma: A female friend is over-laden with packages. Should you be so presumptuous as to offer to ease her burden? Sexist Solution: If she is carrying the bags upon her chest, relieve her at once, as this will offer you an excellent opportunity to cop a feel. 4. SEXUAL PURSE-SUIT Moral Dilemma: A hot babe you’d like to meet drops her purse and its content spill in front of you. Should you help her reclaim the displaced personal articles, or should you casually take up a position behind her to more effectively gawk at her butt? Sexist Solution: Immediately bend down and assist. Not only will this provide the perfect opportunity to introduce yourself, but you’ll get a great view of her cleavage, and, you’ll know what kind of protection she carries in her purse (ie: pills, condoms, Mace). 5. SPLITTING THE BILL Moral Dilemma: You’re out to a special dinner with a sex goddess. When the cheque comes, she insists on paying half. If you’re already sure sex is a certainty, should you insist she take her money back? Sexist Solution: No. To refuse her now could upset her, meaning that she might later refuse you something. Instead, use the money you save to buy her a gift. For example, take her to dinner again next week, that way you get to nail her twice for the same investment. __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

06-28-2004	#20 (permalink)
Softy57 añejo Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Massachusetts,U.S.A. Posts: 1,697	Fun Fun Fun I'll agree with most Critter,but #1 doesn't fly for me. My ex-husband could un-hook a bra one-handed,in a typhoon,in 2 secs. And I am the one who can clean out the air filter,check the oil etc.lol Also,1st put the seat up-aim & fire,shake well-put seat down. 2 sons,ex-hubby-sig-other & now gr.-son[the worst]but will have him in shape by 2007 or die in the attempt! Let the sunshine

06-28-2004	#22 (permalink)
Rainman life=playa Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Cincinnati;OH Posts: 538	Summary to Men & Women :off_topic Shall we turn to the good book here. Man has wrote women was created from rib bone of Adam. Women write Man was created from ass bone from God (she was in a good mood that day). Seeking short life. Rainman

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06-28-2004	#16 (permalink)
TAPPY Weeziana peep Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 14,621	WHAT A WOMAN SAYS: Cmon...This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now! WHAT A MAN HEARS: C'MON....blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!

06-28-2004	#18 (permalink)
TAPPY Weeziana peep Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 14,621	Bumper - that is a classic !!! I think they guys in my office must have wrote that !!!!! :p

06-28-2004	#21 (permalink)
Lil G añejo Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,853	How To Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.[/quote] I wish I would have known that one at 28!!!! Thanks for the chuckles, Sir Bump!!

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