FORUM FUN FEATURE!! I Love My Job

**Bumper** · 06-27-2004

I Love My Job

I love my job, I love my pay,
I love it more and more each day,
I love my boss, he is the best,
I love his boss, and all the rest.

I love my office and its location,
I hate to have to take vacation,
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And the papers that pile up every day.

I love my chair in my padded cell,
There’s nothing else I love so well,
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.

I love my computer and its software,
I hug it often, though it don’t care,
I love each program and every file,
I try to understand, once in a while.

I’m happy to be here, I am, I am,
I’m the happiest slave of Uncle Sam,
I love this work, I love these chores,
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job - I’ll say it again,
I even love these friendly men,
These men who’ve come to visit today,
In lovely white coats to take me away!

TAPPY · 06-27-2004

Tips for success in business...
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. :o Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Use computers to look busy.

Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, and the BEST ONE...... :p (Check out the Playa Info board.....ok come on fess up...all your working people out there do this !!!!!!!), calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

Critter · 06-27-2004

Bumper do you have the one "Do you hate your job?"

**Bumper** · 06-27-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Critter

Bumper do you have the one "Do you hate your job?"

Don't have it under that name, but you know how these things are often re-named as they circulate. Give me a hint? Opening line, or some idea of what's in it?

TAPPY · 06-27-2004

"Do you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. "
--Drew Carey

**sctx** · 06-27-2004

Kinda reminds me of the old Dr Dimento Show tune Funny Farm

Critter · 06-27-2004

Do you hate your job?

Let me tell you the story of the Quality Assurance man at Proctor and gamble. To learn about him, go to your local drug store and buy a rectal thermometer.

Remember it yet? I haven't seen it in a couple of years and I'm probably butchering it from memory. But the remainder goes like this:

when you get home open your package and pull out the inspection tag that says:

"Personally tested by inspector # 3"

06-27-2004	#1 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,675	FORUM FUN FEATURE!! I Love My Job I Love My Job I love my job, I love my pay, I love it more and more each day, I love my boss, he is the best, I love his boss, and all the rest. I love my office and its location, I hate to have to take vacation, I love my furniture, drab and gray, And the papers that pile up every day. I love my chair in my padded cell, There’s nothing else I love so well, I love to work among my peers, I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers. I love my computer and its software, I hug it often, though it don’t care, I love each program and every file, I try to understand, once in a while. I’m happy to be here, I am, I am, I’m the happiest slave of Uncle Sam, I love this work, I love these chores, I love the meetings with deadly bores. I love my job - I’ll say it again, I even love these friendly men, These men who’ve come to visit today, In lovely white coats to take me away!

06-27-2004	#2 (permalink)
TAPPY añejo Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 15,096	Tips for success in business... Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. :o Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, and the BEST ONE...... :p (Check out the Playa Info board.....ok come on fess up...all your working people out there do this !!!!!!!), calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

06-27-2004	#3 (permalink)
Critter añejo Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Cerca de Washington DC Posts: 3,343	Bumper do you have the one "Do you hate your job?"

06-27-2004	#5 (permalink)
TAPPY añejo Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 15,096	"Do you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. " --Drew Carey

06-27-2004	#6 (permalink)
sctx political anarchist Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind Posts: 27,782	Kinda reminds me of the old Dr Dimento Show tune Funny Farm

06-27-2004	#7 (permalink)
Critter añejo Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Cerca de Washington DC Posts: 3,343	Do you hate your job? Let me tell you the story of the Quality Assurance man at Proctor and gamble. To learn about him, go to your local drug store and buy a rectal thermometer. Remember it yet? I haven't seen it in a couple of years and I'm probably butchering it from memory. But the remainder goes like this: when you get home open your package and pull out the inspection tag that says: "Personally tested by inspector # 3"

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