FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Terrorism Lite!

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While it is not my intention to trivialize the scourge that confronts us in the form of international terrorism, I had these four bits of nonsense in my files, and felt you might enjoy them.

INTERCAVE MEMO

From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: Cavemates
Sent: Monday, 12th November, 2003 8:17 AM
Subject: The Cave


Hi Guys. We’ve all been putting in long hours, but we’ve really come together as a group, and I love that.

Big thanks to Omar for putting up that poster that says “There is no ‘I’ in team”, as well as that one that says “Hang In There, Baby!” That cat is hilarious.

However, while we are fighting a Jihad, we still can’t forget to take care of the cave, and frankly, I have a few issues I feel need to be brought forward.

First of all, while we all have to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don’t want to be stung, and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I’ve posted a sign-up sheet near the main entrance to the cavern.

Secondly, it’s not often that I make a video address, but when I do I’m trying to strike fear into the heart of the most powerful nation on the earth, okay? That means that while we’re taping, please refrain from riding your Razor Scooter in the background. Just while we’re taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we’re not supposed to shave our beards. But I need for everybody to think personal hygiene, especially after mealtimes. We’re all in this together, after all.

Fourth: Food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote “Osama” on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration...that’s all I’m saying.

Finally, we’ve heard there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. Assigned to the first rotation will be Akbar, Rashid, Muhammed, Abdul, and Murray.

Love you lots.
Osama

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EXPOSE TERRORISM!!


Since it’s well known that the Taliban and Al Quaida cannot stand nudity and consider it a mortal sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, this Saturday afternoon at 2:00 PM Eastern Time, all public-spirited North American women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked, in an effort to help detect any terrorists who may be hiding in their neighbourhood.

Circling your block for a minimum of an hour is recommended to insure that this anti-terrorist effort has maximum effect.

All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their homes to demonstrate that they believe it’s perfectly acceptable to see women other than their wives in the nude.

Since the Taliban also do not approve of the consumption of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side will provide further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.

We appreciate your effort to assist in rooting out insurgents and encourage your active participation. Come on guys, get out there and support our patriotic gals as they uncover not only themselves, but any evil, godless terrorists who may have made their home in YOUR neighbourhood!!!

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Here’s a question of morality for you. This is an imaginary incident, but I believe you would find it both interesting and beneficial to think through this exercise.

The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and much infrastructure destroyed.

You’re a freelance photographer for an international news service. You’re traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant and dramatic scenes you can capture.

You come across Osama Bin Laden, who has been engulfed by the raging torrent. He is clinging to a fallen tree limb and is about to be swept away to his death by the flood waters.

You are faced with a decision. You can either put down your camera and go to his rescue, or take what is sure to be a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.

So, here’s the question...and consider it carefully before you answer...what shutter speed would you use?

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Everyone seems to wonder why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.


Let’s see now. No beer. No booze. No bars. No television. No cheerleaders. No baseball. No basketball. No football. No hockey. No golf. No tailgate parties. No Hooters. No pork barbeque. No hot dogs. No burgers. No lobster, shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks.


Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower down the street, and from the guy next door because he’s sick and there’s no doctors. No chocolate chip cookies. No Christmas. He can’t shave and neither can his wife. He can’t shower to wash off the lingering smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times. Someone else picks his bride. She smells like his donkey, and his camel has a better disposition.


Then his clergyman assures him that when he dies in the name of his faith, he will instantly go to paradise.

H-m-m-m-m. No mystery here.

[TAPPY]

Quote" I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote “Osama” on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.


I see Michael Moore has been at it again