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It seems like in 1998 or so, the air pollution in London had become so severe that it was starting to kill off much of the urban wildlife. Particularly hard hit were some bird species, especially the famous rook population. The city government was very concerned because the rooks, roosting on the cornices and in many of the small crannies of the public buildings of the inner city are a big attraction. The Yanks with their Kodaks, if you catch my drift. So the council asked, "What are we going to do about this situation?"

A committee gathered a lot of literature about locations with climate very similar to that of London, hoping that they can arrange to have rooks raised there, while they deal with the pollution problems in their city. They determine that one place with a great deal in common with London - climatically speaking - and with a very low pollution index, is Bangor, Maine. So they put an ad in the Bangor newspaper targeted to bird fanciers, and seek help from the local Audubon Society in locating candidates. Eventually, they enter into an agreement with an eminently qualified fellow to raise rooks for them at a price of $50,000 a year. They quickly dispatch a British ornithologist, on a charteded Concorde, with two cases of fertile rook eggs carefully packed in shatterproof climate controlled cases.

So, this enterprising fellow has a new business, North American Rook Farms Inc. He instantly goes to work incubating new rooks so London can avoid the unthinkable possibility of becoming a rookless city. The only thing is, the London City Council is really impatient, and every day they send him a telegram that says..."Bred any good rooks lately?"

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This is a story about the famous Chinese warlord, General Fu Man Chu, who chose to try conquering Siberia during the winter. One of the defending Siberian generals had spies who would make their way up into the mountains, spy on the invading Chinese, and return with information about the state of the attackers. During one night, there was a terrible blizzard, and the notorious Chu was reported to have died from the cold.

The messenger returned to the Siberian general's camp and reported, "Many are cold, but Chu is frozen."

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There once was a king who was loved by all his subjects, especially for the numerous hunting excursions he arranged and shared with them. As will happen, the king eventually passed away, and his eldest son assumed the throne.

Now this new king was an animal lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of hunting and fishing in the kingdom. His subjects accepted this for only a short while before they finally rose up and ousted him. This was truly a significant event, because it was the first time a reign was called on account of the game.

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A fellow checks into a Las Vegas hotel. The bellman shows him to his room and hands him his key. The chap gives the bellman a sizeable tip and asks him, "Listen, can you get me some Italian prostitutes and send them up to my room?"

The bellman replies, "Yes, sir. Right away, sir."

The guest says, "Now, they HAVE to be Italian prostitutes, understand? And send lots of them."

"Yessir!"

A little later, girls started appearing at the door of his room. He welcomes them all in. It turns out he's a vampire. He drinks their blood and, then, throws their lifeless bodies off the balcony. In the course of bringing in other guest's luggage, the bellman is hit several times by the falling corpses. He reports this to the manager, who calls the police. The police arrive and question the bellman, asking him, "What's going on?"

He replies, "All I know is DRAINED WOPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD."

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Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they were returning to college and would soon be graduating and going their separate ways, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place, and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been, two decades before. They walked into the now unfamiliar woods and before long came across a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"

The other replied, "No, it's not."

The first responded, "Yes, it is. I recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side of the stream."

To which the other man answered, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover."

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One of the contenders seen at the recent Winter Olympics was an Eskimo competing in the Giant Slalom event. Unfortunately, he wasn't very good and just kept getting in the way of the other skiers. At first I couldn't believe my eyes, but then I realized he was just an obstacle Aleutian!