FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Types of Boyfriends/Girlfriends

**Bumper** · 07-22-2004

The Nine Types of Boyfriends

Joe Sensitive - “After I wash the dishes, let’s cuddle, okay?”
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup.
Advantages: Well-behaved, irons his own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus - “People are stupid. The world can go to Hell. Let’s stay home and watch TV.”
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour Puss, Stick-In-The-Mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put, predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

Flinchy - “I, I, I’m sorry for whatever it was I did.”
Also known as: Trembly, Cream Puff, Hey You
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked, surrenders without the challenge of a struggle

Bigfoot - “Shut yer trap, I’m thinkin.”
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk, Big-n-Dumb
Advantages: Can tote bales, is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones - “Z-z-z-z-z-z”
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Lump
Advantages: Well rested, easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams

The Sneak - “Who, me?”
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, Goddamn Son-of-a-Bitch
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having the time of his life

Ace of Hearts - “After I wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels, okay?
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Love Rocket
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer - “Someday, I’m going to be rich and famous. I don’t know how, but...”
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Windbag, Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Turns into “Old Man Grumpus”

Mr. Right - “While the servants wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels on my new yacht, okay?”
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman’s prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

The Nine Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy - “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, Darling, you shouldn’t have.”
Also known as: What a Gal, Precious, One of the Boys, Main Squeeze, Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller - “You Goddamn, spineless, good-for-nothing, drag-ass, no talent son-of-a-bitch! Can’t you see how miserable you’re making me?”
Also known as: She-devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, The Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws small kitchen appliances

Sicky - “Oh, my head. My stomach. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite.”
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumbly
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

The Boss - “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make more money. Don’t give me that look.”
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mother
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms, Vaguely Dissatisfied - “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, life goals and hair colour?”
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw, c’mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman Out-of-Control - “I gotta idea. Les get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I dunnit before. S’fun!
Also know as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, The Big Easy
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable, drives off cliffs

Huffy - “I see nothing amusing in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at.”
Also known as: No Fun, Dead-ass, Cold Fish, Chilly Proposition
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You won’t have any friends

Woman From Mars - “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship.”
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky, Screwball, Looney, Bad News, The Artist
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl - “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we should make love like crazed weasels now.”
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

Rainman · 07-22-2004

Bumper the girilfriends reminds me of a wife after several years of marriage. This exsplains why they out live us. And why we are worth more dead than alive. Its all good they will have a drink to us in PDC with the young Mr. Right
or right for now.

Ok I will stop being negative now please forgive me I was haveing a moment.

Seeking (Not Sure)

Rainman

Critter · 07-22-2004

Well, I know which one I want to be, but in reality I Span quite a spectrum of those.

My wife on the other hand is the perfect passionate angel, which is not one of your selections I might add.

**sctx** · 07-22-2004

I bagged a dreamgirl, done married her three times in 9 years

Rainman · 07-22-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Critter

My wife on the other hand is the perfect passionate angel, which is not one of your selections I might add.

Suck Up.

Just

(or Bumpering)

Seeking Wife Like Yours ( Hope mine dosent read this)

Rainman

mckinzie · 07-22-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

I bagged a dreamgirl, done married her three times in 9 years

When is the next wedding??

My offer still stands in September.

Scott please don't make me drink Tequila

TAPPY · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

I bagged a dreamgirl, done married her three times in 9 years

That is really sweet and I am sure you will have a really good weekend now

Rainman ....you make me laugh !!!!!

(learning the fine art of "suck up" has its benefits...just ask Scott on Monday)

**sctx** · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by mckinzie

My offer still stands in September.

Sorry Kinz...I'm already married, and she's a little cuter than you are :p

**Bumper** · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

Sorry Kinz...I'm already married, and she's a little cuter than you are :p

Heck, Scotty, that's not much of a benchmark. Your partner in your avatar is cuter than Kinz, and as for The Lady You Live With...I still don't see why she has anything to do with you. She can do a lot better than that. She either has the world's thickest glasses, or you carry a significant amount of term life insurance, or she's doing a doctoral thesis on abnormal pyschology and guess who's the lab rat.

**sctx** · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bumper

, and as for The Lady You Live With...I still don't see why she has anything to do with you. She can do a lot better than that. She either has the world's thickest glasses, or you carry a significant amount of term life insurance, or she's doing a doctoral thesis on abnormal pyschology and guess who's the lab rat.

We've covered this before

.... but she was a psych major so maybe there something more to this.......hmmm.... NOT!!!
But I do admit to being lucky... took me three years to bag that one!!!

**Bumper** · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

But I do admit to being lucky... took me three years to bag that one!!!

You make it sound like you brought her home draped over the hood of your half-ton. Just what is the daily quota restriction, how many day's limit are you allowed in possession, and is there a draw for tags? It's been my experience, we pretty much chase the ladies until they catch us. Good thing for the survival of the species that most of them aren't too picky.

mckinzie · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

Sorry Kinz...I'm already married, and she's a little cuter than you are :p

I digress on that statement. I don't think Halle would appreciate me straying away from the menu either.

I meant dinner for you and LIL G

**sctx** · 07-23-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by mckinzie

I digress on that statement. I don't think Halle would appreciate me straying away from the menu either.

I meant dinner for you and LIL G

Oh, I see, we're still working on travel plans, funds are low right now, but I don't think Lil G can get time off at New Years so we'll just have to rob a bank and be there in Sept anyway

Critter · 07-23-2004

Quote:

It's been my experience, we pretty much chase the ladies until they catch us.

Ain't that the damn truth!

07-22-2004	#1 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,243	FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Types of Boyfriends/Girlfriends The Nine Types of Boyfriends Joe Sensitive - “After I wash the dishes, let’s cuddle, okay?” Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup. Advantages: Well-behaved, irons his own shirts Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy Old Man Grumpus - “People are stupid. The world can go to Hell. Let’s stay home and watch TV.” Also known as: Grumbles, Sour Puss, Stick-In-The-Mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk Advantages: Stays put, predictable Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass Flinchy - “I, I, I’m sorry for whatever it was I did.” Also known as: Trembly, Cream Puff, Hey You Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled Disadvantages: Easily spooked, surrenders without the challenge of a struggle Bigfoot - “Shut yer trap, I’m thinkin.” Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk, Big-n-Dumb Advantages: Can tote bales, is easily fooled Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig Lazybones - “Z-z-z-z-z-z” Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Lump Advantages: Well rested, easy target Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams The Sneak - “Who, me?” Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, Goddamn Son-of-a-Bitch Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt Disadvantages: May be having the time of his life Ace of Hearts - “After I wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels, okay? Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Love Rocket Advantages: Perpetually aroused Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused The Dreamer - “Someday, I’m going to be rich and famous. I don’t know how, but...” Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Windbag, Fool Advantages: Tells good stories Disadvantages: Turns into “Old Man Grumpus” Mr. Right - “While the servants wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels on my new yacht, okay?” Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy Advantages: Answer to a woman’s prayer Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction The Nine Types of Girlfriends Ms. Nice Guy - “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, Darling, you shouldn’t have.” Also known as: What a Gal, Precious, One of the Boys, Main Squeeze, Doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday Old Yeller - “You Goddamn, spineless, good-for-nothing, drag-ass, no talent son-of-a-bitch! Can’t you see how miserable you’re making me?” Also known as: She-devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, The Old Lady, Warthog from Hell Advantages: Pays attention to you Disadvantages: Screeches, throws small kitchen appliances Sicky - “Oh, my head. My stomach. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite.” Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumbly Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious The Boss - “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make more money. Don’t give me that look.” Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mother Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what? Ms, Vaguely Dissatisfied - “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, life goals and hair colour?” Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw, c’mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed Wild Woman Out-of-Control - “I gotta idea. Les get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I dunnit before. S’fun! Also know as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, The Big Easy Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys Disadvantages: Unreliable, drives off cliffs Huffy - “I see nothing amusing in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at.” Also known as: No Fun, Dead-ass, Cold Fish, Chilly Proposition Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you Disadvantages: You won’t have any friends Woman From Mars - “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship.” Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky, Screwball, Looney, Bad News, The Artist Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud Ms. Dreamgirl - “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we should make love like crazed weasels now.” Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

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07-22-2004	#2 (permalink)
Rainman life=playa Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Cincinnati;OH Posts: 538	Bumper the girilfriends reminds me of a wife after several years of marriage. This exsplains why they out live us. And why we are worth more dead than alive. Its all good they will have a drink to us in PDC with the young Mr. Right or right for now. Ok I will stop being negative now please forgive me I was haveing a moment. Seeking (Not Sure) Rainman

07-22-2004	#3 (permalink)
Critter añejo Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Cerca de Washington DC Posts: 3,343	Well, I know which one I want to be, but in reality I Span quite a spectrum of those. My wife on the other hand is the perfect passionate angel, which is not one of your selections I might add.

07-22-2004	#4 (permalink)
sctx Fan of confusion Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind Posts: 26,313	I bagged a dreamgirl, done married her three times in 9 years

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