FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Countries of Europe

**Bumper** · 07-30-2004

I've noticed we appear to be attracting a growing number of European forum members of late. You're all most welcome to our asylum. I found the following tidbit while digging through my files in search of a peanut butter, sardine and proscuitto sandwich I seem to have misplaced. I realize this document is anything but politically correct, and it has the potential to offend some people, but I trust you'll take it in the spirit in which it is put forward...strictly for fun. I have no interest in propagating national stereotypes, but I found this amusing and I hope you will as well.

Countries of Europe

ALBANIA:
Albanians have it rough. Even the beaches are swept by searchlights. Also, how can you trust a country whose only celebrity lives somewhere else? Albania’s sole luminary, Mother Teresa, had to go into third world charity work to get out of the place.
National Pastime: They wouldn’t know what to do with it if they had one.

AUSTRIA:
Austrians are given to running across alpine hillsides of waving grass while singing syrupy lyrics. A difficult trick when considering their diet consists largely of boiled beef, or beer and dumplings, or very rich pastries. At least the bells on their lederhosen mean you can hear them coming.
National Pastime: Psychiatry

BELGIUM:
The Belgians like to think they are exactly the same as the French. The French don’t agree, and as a result, the Belgians have developed a sizeable pomme frit on their collective epaule. Being home to the European Parliament has done little to improve this.
National Pastime: Crawling to the French.

DENMARK:
Don’t let the fact that they no longer wear big pointy metal hats fool you. All Danes are war-mongering Vikings from the roots of their blond hair to the tips of their sheep-leather shoes. But at least they almost speak English.
National Pastime: Cultivating an American accent.

EASTER BLOC:
The population of the Eastern Bloc divides equally into three broad demographic groups; seven-year-old athletes on steroids (often to be found hiding inside your suitcase when you get home); 300 pound man-mountains of muscle and blubber built on a diet of potatoes and dumplings (often to be found discussing the best make of tractor); and unemployed Communist Prime Ministers and secret policemen (often to be found in South American countries without extradition treaties). If you want to get along with an Eastern Bloc citizen, take them some highly-prized decadent capitalist consumer goods. One car-window suction cup Garfield, for instance, will get you a sizeable chunk of the Berlin wall. Offer two, and you might be elected Prime Minister.
National Pastime: Lining up.

FRANCE:
In France, men are intellectual and look like Jean-Paul Belmondo; women are beautiful and big-nosed and don’t shave under their arms (unlike German women who shave everything except their legs). Anything is a pretext for either having dinner or making love. The sound of a Frenchman speaking suggests that what little soap he uses is lodged somewhere down his throat.
National Pastime: Staying in bed and screwing like a mink in heat.

GERMANY:
If you don’t recognize Germans by their sledgehammer subtlety, or their belief that the world speaks ten decibels too softly, you can always spot them by their dancing. A headless chicken looks graceful by comparison. Young Germans take themselves very seriously and will spend much of their time worrying about the environment or the state of their bowels. They grow wispy little mustaches or beards - not just the men. Most of them would rather be Americans.
National Pastime: Thinking too much.

GREECE:
There are basically two types of Greek; porking great millionaires like George Michael or Aristotle Onassis; or shepherds. Your average Greek can look forward to a lifetime of herding goats, drinking goat’s milk and eating goat-milk yoghurt.
National Pastime: Owning a fleet of oil tankers or delivering baby goats.

IRELAND:
Don’t open your mouth unless you’re intending to fill it with Guinness. The Irish are quick to take offence at anything you might say. Verbose in the extreme, they’ve managed to convince everybody they can write English literature better than the English.
National Pastime: Drinking.

ITALY:
Italians love football, their mothers, children, fast cars, expensive design, and eating. In that order. When you meet Italians, the first thing they notice about you is the cost of your clothing. Then they offer you something to eat. Italian women look like Sophia Loren and anger easily; Italian men cry at the drop of a hat and like to pinch foreign women’s butts.
National Pastime: Making a lot of noise.

LUXEMBOURG:
An unimaginative lot. The country is so small there apparently isn’t room for an original thought. They couldn’t even come up with a different name for their capital.
National Pastime: Counting their money.

NETHERLANDS:
A country lost in the sixties, as their hideously designed banknotes testify. Their sole moment of glory came when Alistair MacLean set one of his thrillers in Amsterdam. It’s been downhill ever since. After all, who else would dream of decriminalizing marijuana?
National Pastime: Speaking English.

NORWAY:
Adult Norwegians spend their time sitting around in wooden huts steaming themselves until they look like lobsters, before running naked into the sea to cool down. Meanwhile, the younger generations travel abroad in order to mill around British suburban town centres and spray dye their homemade “punk” hairstyles green and pink.
National Pastime: Watching snow melt.

PORTUGAL:
As Belgians are to the French, so are the Portugese to the Spanish. But for some reason, the Portugese seem to speak Spanish the wrong way around, and end up sounding like they have a half bottle of Amontillado Port stuck up their windpipe.
National Pastime: Playing golf.

SPAIN:
Why would anybody actually want to encourage ugly people to come to their country, take off their clothes, drink astonishing amounts of cheap wine and vomit in the streets? The Spanish are a funny lot, with a bizarre taste in architecture (gaudy Gaudi), and a city named after a British television network - Granada.
National Pastime: Regretting their decision to promote tourism.

SWEDEN:
The Swedes are absolutely devoid of interesting features. Yes, they eat smorgasbord and herring, drive Volvos and are industrially clean. All this makes them impervious to satire and abuse, and no fun at all.
National Pastime: Being dull.

SWITZERLAND:
A pharmaceutical heaven: home to most of the world’s drug companies. Orson Wells got it slightly wrong when he said, “Two thousand years of civilization and what does Switzerland produce? The cuckoo clock.” He overlooked Valium, the symbol of Switzerland in more ways than one.
National Pastime: Staying out of trouble.

UNITED KINGDOM:
While most countries fight each other, the British - bullies by nature - prefer to fight amongst themselves. There are so many classes and regions to pick on. All British people hate other British people (but not as much as they hate foreigners or themselves), but put up with them in order to avoid embarrassing public scenes. British men look like Ronnie Corbett, but with spots; British women look like Hattie Jenks, but not so pretty. The British argue all the time, think that jokes about bottoms are hilarious, and like being told what to do by dominant females, like Margaret Thatcher. No wonder everybody hates them to.
National Pastime: Pretending they still own the world.

YUGOSLAVIA:
Since the best vacations in Yugoslavia are sailing excursions, you never get to meet the Yugoslavs unless they’re cooking some abominable approximation of French cuisine, or trying to sell you a boulder Clint Eastwood sat on when they were filming spaghetti westerns there.
National Pastime: Watching re-runs of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Nerak936 · 07-31-2004

Thanks, Bump!! A delight!!

TAPPY · 07-31-2004

Bumper, only you could get away with posting this !!!!

Andiline · 07-31-2004

Well, now you know why I didn't dance while being in Playa... I was afraid anybody would recognize where I come from...

**Bumper** · 07-31-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andiline

Well, now you know why I didn't dance while being in Playa... I was afraid anybody would recognize where I come from...

More years ago than I like to remember, I recall reading somewhere:
Live like there's no tomorrow.
Love like you can't be hurt.
Dance like there's nobody watching.

I've always thought those were great words to live by. (Dancing the way I do...I pretty much have to.) Andrea, if the opportunity ever presents itself, I'd be honoured to squire you around a dance floor anywhere. If you can stand it, I certainly can. (Steel toed boots recommended) Maybe I can't rhumba, maybe I can't tango, maybe I can't foxtrot...but I'll tell you, I can sure intermission.

Andiline · 07-31-2004

Bumper, I'd be honoured to dance with you and be assured your feet would be safe with me...

I'm not a bad dancer, I was merely referring to what was written about germans.

That I didn't dance while being in Playa was mostly due to the fact that most evenings I was too tired to stay up late and dance through the night....

Nerak936 · 07-31-2004

[quote=Andiline That I didn't dance while being in Playa was mostly due to the fact that most evenings I was too tired to stay up late and dance through the night....

[/QUOTE]

The night we all met, Andrea, I think most of us had trouble just sitting upright in the chair!! <img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/29/29_3_14.gif' alt='Sleepy' border=0></a> (due to exhaustion, of course..... not drinking)

But then again.....?? <img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_7_6.gif' alt='Blurry Drunk' border=0></a>

cuffedlinks · 07-31-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andiline

That I didn't dance while being in Playa was mostly due to the fact that most evenings I was too tired to stay up late and dance through the night....

It MUST make for a very LONG and HOT day lugging those lederhosen around like that....not to mention the chafing...So the degree of dancing abilities should be a foregone conclusion...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bumper

Countries of Europe
GREECE:
There are basically two types of Greek; porking great millionaires like George Michael or Aristotle Onassis; or shepherds. Your average Greek can look forward to a lifetime of herding goats, drinking goat’s milk and eating goat-milk yoghurt.
National Pastime: Owning a fleet of oil tankers or delivering baby goats.

It's no myth....
...We like Greek.

Andiline · 07-31-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuffedlinks

It MUST make for a very LONG and HOT day lugging those lederhosen around like that....not to mention the chafing...So the degree of dancing abilities should be a foregone conclusion...

Hey, Bumper assigned the Lederhosen to the Austrians... don't mix us Europeans up, we don't like that!

Lil G · 07-31-2004

.

IRELAND:
Don’t open your mouth unless you’re intending to fill it with Guinness. The Irish are quick to take offence at anything you might say. Verbose in the extreme, they’ve managed to convince everybody they can write English literature better than the English.
National Pastime: Drinking.

Not that there is anything wrong with that...

07-30-2004	#1 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,119	FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Countries of Europe I've noticed we appear to be attracting a growing number of European forum members of late. You're all most welcome to our asylum. I found the following tidbit while digging through my files in search of a peanut butter, sardine and proscuitto sandwich I seem to have misplaced. I realize this document is anything but politically correct, and it has the potential to offend some people, but I trust you'll take it in the spirit in which it is put forward...strictly for fun. I have no interest in propagating national stereotypes, but I found this amusing and I hope you will as well. Countries of Europe ALBANIA: Albanians have it rough. Even the beaches are swept by searchlights. Also, how can you trust a country whose only celebrity lives somewhere else? Albania’s sole luminary, Mother Teresa, had to go into third world charity work to get out of the place. National Pastime: They wouldn’t know what to do with it if they had one. AUSTRIA: Austrians are given to running across alpine hillsides of waving grass while singing syrupy lyrics. A difficult trick when considering their diet consists largely of boiled beef, or beer and dumplings, or very rich pastries. At least the bells on their lederhosen mean you can hear them coming. National Pastime: Psychiatry BELGIUM: The Belgians like to think they are exactly the same as the French. The French don’t agree, and as a result, the Belgians have developed a sizeable pomme frit on their collective epaule. Being home to the European Parliament has done little to improve this. National Pastime: Crawling to the French. DENMARK: Don’t let the fact that they no longer wear big pointy metal hats fool you. All Danes are war-mongering Vikings from the roots of their blond hair to the tips of their sheep-leather shoes. But at least they almost speak English. National Pastime: Cultivating an American accent. EASTER BLOC: The population of the Eastern Bloc divides equally into three broad demographic groups; seven-year-old athletes on steroids (often to be found hiding inside your suitcase when you get home); 300 pound man-mountains of muscle and blubber built on a diet of potatoes and dumplings (often to be found discussing the best make of tractor); and unemployed Communist Prime Ministers and secret policemen (often to be found in South American countries without extradition treaties). If you want to get along with an Eastern Bloc citizen, take them some highly-prized decadent capitalist consumer goods. One car-window suction cup Garfield, for instance, will get you a sizeable chunk of the Berlin wall. Offer two, and you might be elected Prime Minister. National Pastime: Lining up. FRANCE: In France, men are intellectual and look like Jean-Paul Belmondo; women are beautiful and big-nosed and don’t shave under their arms (unlike German women who shave everything except their legs). Anything is a pretext for either having dinner or making love. The sound of a Frenchman speaking suggests that what little soap he uses is lodged somewhere down his throat. National Pastime: Staying in bed and screwing like a mink in heat. GERMANY: If you don’t recognize Germans by their sledgehammer subtlety, or their belief that the world speaks ten decibels too softly, you can always spot them by their dancing. A headless chicken looks graceful by comparison. Young Germans take themselves very seriously and will spend much of their time worrying about the environment or the state of their bowels. They grow wispy little mustaches or beards - not just the men. Most of them would rather be Americans. National Pastime: Thinking too much. GREECE: There are basically two types of Greek; porking great millionaires like George Michael or Aristotle Onassis; or shepherds. Your average Greek can look forward to a lifetime of herding goats, drinking goat’s milk and eating goat-milk yoghurt. National Pastime: Owning a fleet of oil tankers or delivering baby goats. IRELAND: Don’t open your mouth unless you’re intending to fill it with Guinness. The Irish are quick to take offence at anything you might say. Verbose in the extreme, they’ve managed to convince everybody they can write English literature better than the English. National Pastime: Drinking. ITALY: Italians love football, their mothers, children, fast cars, expensive design, and eating. In that order. When you meet Italians, the first thing they notice about you is the cost of your clothing. Then they offer you something to eat. Italian women look like Sophia Loren and anger easily; Italian men cry at the drop of a hat and like to pinch foreign women’s butts. National Pastime: Making a lot of noise. LUXEMBOURG: An unimaginative lot. The country is so small there apparently isn’t room for an original thought. They couldn’t even come up with a different name for their capital. National Pastime: Counting their money. NETHERLANDS: A country lost in the sixties, as their hideously designed banknotes testify. Their sole moment of glory came when Alistair MacLean set one of his thrillers in Amsterdam. It’s been downhill ever since. After all, who else would dream of decriminalizing marijuana? National Pastime: Speaking English. NORWAY: Adult Norwegians spend their time sitting around in wooden huts steaming themselves until they look like lobsters, before running naked into the sea to cool down. Meanwhile, the younger generations travel abroad in order to mill around British suburban town centres and spray dye their homemade “punk” hairstyles green and pink. National Pastime: Watching snow melt. PORTUGAL: As Belgians are to the French, so are the Portugese to the Spanish. But for some reason, the Portugese seem to speak Spanish the wrong way around, and end up sounding like they have a half bottle of Amontillado Port stuck up their windpipe. National Pastime: Playing golf. SPAIN: Why would anybody actually want to encourage ugly people to come to their country, take off their clothes, drink astonishing amounts of cheap wine and vomit in the streets? The Spanish are a funny lot, with a bizarre taste in architecture (gaudy Gaudi), and a city named after a British television network - Granada. National Pastime: Regretting their decision to promote tourism. SWEDEN: The Swedes are absolutely devoid of interesting features. Yes, they eat smorgasbord and herring, drive Volvos and are industrially clean. All this makes them impervious to satire and abuse, and no fun at all. National Pastime: Being dull. SWITZERLAND: A pharmaceutical heaven: home to most of the world’s drug companies. Orson Wells got it slightly wrong when he said, “Two thousand years of civilization and what does Switzerland produce? The cuckoo clock.” He overlooked Valium, the symbol of Switzerland in more ways than one. National Pastime: Staying out of trouble. UNITED KINGDOM: While most countries fight each other, the British - bullies by nature - prefer to fight amongst themselves. There are so many classes and regions to pick on. All British people hate other British people (but not as much as they hate foreigners or themselves), but put up with them in order to avoid embarrassing public scenes. British men look like Ronnie Corbett, but with spots; British women look like Hattie Jenks, but not so pretty. The British argue all the time, think that jokes about bottoms are hilarious, and like being told what to do by dominant females, like Margaret Thatcher. No wonder everybody hates them to. National Pastime: Pretending they still own the world. YUGOSLAVIA: Since the best vacations in Yugoslavia are sailing excursions, you never get to meet the Yugoslavs unless they’re cooking some abominable approximation of French cuisine, or trying to sell you a boulder Clint Eastwood sat on when they were filming spaghetti westerns there. National Pastime: Watching re-runs of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

07-31-2004	#10 (permalink)
Lil G añejo Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,856	. IRELAND: Don’t open your mouth unless you’re intending to fill it with Guinness. The Irish are quick to take offence at anything you might say. Verbose in the extreme, they’ve managed to convince everybody they can write English literature better than the English. National Pastime: Drinking. Not that there is anything wrong with that... Last edited by Lil G : 07-31-2004 at 11:41 PM.

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07-31-2004	#2 (permalink)
Nerak936 Crazy Cat Lady =^.''.^= Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Southeastern Massachusetts Posts: 18,302	Thanks, Bump!! A delight!!

07-31-2004	#3 (permalink)
TAPPY Weeziana peep Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 14,623	Bumper, only you could get away with posting this !!!!

07-31-2004	#4 (permalink)
Andiline añejo Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Cologne, Germany Posts: 7,242	Well, now you know why I didn't dance while being in Playa... I was afraid anybody would recognize where I come from...

07-31-2004	#6 (permalink)
Andiline añejo Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Cologne, Germany Posts: 7,242	Bumper, I'd be honoured to dance with you and be assured your feet would be safe with me... I'm not a bad dancer, I was merely referring to what was written about germans. That I didn't dance while being in Playa was mostly due to the fact that most evenings I was too tired to stay up late and dance through the night....

07-31-2004	#7 (permalink)
Nerak936 Crazy Cat Lady =^.''.^= Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Southeastern Massachusetts Posts: 18,302	[quote=Andiline That I didn't dance while being in Playa was mostly due to the fact that most evenings I was too tired to stay up late and dance through the night.... [/QUOTE] The night we all met, Andrea, I think most of us had trouble just sitting upright in the chair!! <img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/29/29_3_14.gif' alt='Sleepy' border=0></a> (due to exhaustion, of course..... not drinking) But then again.....?? <img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_7_6.gif' alt='Blurry Drunk' border=0></a>

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