FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Southern Politician Application

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Seems like I haven't done any character assassination on my southern friends for a couple of weeks now. I'm in withdrawal from that oversight, and what with the elections not too far off, I thought the following might be appropriate.

Southern Politician Application


First Name:___________ Last Name (If known):______________

Address (Where you live):____________________

Birth Date (yours):__________________

Mother’s Name:_____________ Relationship( ie, sister):______________

ther’s Name (If known, if not, list likely candidates):________________

Colour of neck: □ Light Red □ Medium Red □ Dark Red □ No Neck

Year of pick up truck driven: 195___________

List all you have in your truck:
□ Fuzzy Dice □ Gun Rack □ Coon Tail □ Full Ash Tray □ Dead Road Kill

Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock): □ Yes □ No

How far can you throw cow pies? ____ Do you eat cow pies? □Yes □No

Wife’s Name: ___________________

Wife’s Relationship:
□Cousin □Neighbour □Sister □Aunt □Mother □Niece □Neighbour’s Dog

Does your wife weigh:
□Less than 200 lbs □Less than 300 lbs □Less than a 747 □More than a 747

Do you know what a 747 is? □ Yes □ No

How much smarter than you is your wife?
□50 IQ points □75 IQ points □100 IQ points □She won’t tell me

Does you wife wear:
□A dress □Pants □Hot pants □Your pants □Them lawyer clothes □Nothing

Colour of wife’s hair:
□ Blonde □ Red □ Brown □ Black □ Bald

Last Elvis sighting: Location:___________ On what date? __________

Can you count past five? □Yes □No Past ten? □Yes □ No

Did you understand all the previous questions?
□Yes □No □Huh? □All of the above □What does “previous” mean?

Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be a politician in the South:
__________________________________________________ _______

Signature (“X” if you can’t write): _____________________________________