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Threads frequently appear discussing weather in the various parts of the country where Forum Folk reside. Horror stories are generally the order of the day. While a form of the following was on the board last winter, I felt you might enjoy this incarnation. Some of the names of communities that you will not recognize are locations in my home province of Manitoba. It's snowing lightly here in Winnipeg as I speak. Our first of the year really (ignoring some quite heavy, but short-lived incidents last month), but we'll see if it lasts. I hope not. Mrs. B and I are off to Iowa on Tuesday, and I'd rather not be fighting snow on the roads.

Handy Weather Chart

+ 10 Degrees
Torontonians turn on the heat
Winnipeggers plant gardens

+ 4 Degrees
Vancouverites shiver uncontrollably
Winnipeggers sunbathe

+ 2 Degrees
Italian cars won’t start
Winnipeggers drive with the windows down

0 Degrees
Distilled water freezes
Winnipeg water gets thicker

- 1 Degree
You can see your breath
You plan a vacation in Florida
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Winnipeggers eat ice cream

- 4 Degrees
Toronto water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Cats insist on sleeping on your bed with you

- 7 Degrees
Regina water freezes
San Franciscans begin thinking favourably of LA
Winnipeg Blue Bomber fans put on T-shirts

- 10 Degrees
You plan a vacation in Acapulco
Cats insist on sleeping under the covers with you
Winnipeggers go swimming

-12 Degrees
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
Too cold to snow
Torontonians need jumper cables to start their cars

- 18 Degrees
Toronto landlords turn on the heat
Winnipeggers barbeque North End Winnipeg Kolbasa on the patio - YUM!

- 21 Degrees
You can hear your breath
You plan a vacation in Hawaii

- 23 Degrees
North American cars don’t start
Too cold to skate

- 26 Degrees
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Miamians cease to exist
Winnipeggers lick flag poles

- 29 Degrees
Cats insist on sleeping in your pyjamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Winnipeggers think about taking down the screens

- 32 Degrees
Too cold to kiss
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
Japanese cars don’t start
Toronto Blue Jays head for spring training

- 34 Degrees
You plan a two week hot bath
Pilsener freezes
Bock beer production begins
Winnipeggers shovel snow off roofs

- 39 Degrees
Mercury freezes
Too cold to think
Winnipeggers do up top button

- 42 Degrees
Californians disappear
Cars insist on sleeping in bed with you
Winnipeggers put on sweaters

- 46 Degrees
Parliamentary hot air freezes
Yukoners close the bathroom window
Winnipeg Blue Bombers move practices indoors

- 51 Degrees
Walruses abandon Ellesmere Island
Sign on Mount Rundle: “Closed for the Season”
Winnipeggers put gloves away, take out mittens
Boy Scouts in Brandon start Klondike Derby

- 57 Degrees
Glaciers form in Winnipeg’s Assiniboine Park
Montreal residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
Kenora residents organize trans-lake race to Warroad
Mount St. Helens freezes

- 62 Degrees
Polar Bears abandon Baffin Island
Girl Guides in Portage La Prairie sell cookies door-to-door
Winnipeggers rent some videos

- 68 Degrees
Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
Albertans migrate to Saskatchewan thinking it MUST be warmer

- 73 Degrees
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
Winnipeggers pull down ear flaps

- 114 Degrees
Ethyl alcohol freezes
Winnipeggers get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg

- 183 Degrees
Oxygen precipitates out of the atmosphere
Microbiological life survives only on dairy products

- 265 Degrees
Superconductivity achieved

- 269 Degrees
Helium become a liquid

- 270 Degrees
Hell freezes over
Toronto Maple Leafs win Stanley Cup

- 271 Degrees
Toronto drivers drop below 85 MPH on Highway 401

- 272 Degrees
Incumbent politicians renounce campaign contributions

- 273 Degrees (Absolute Zero)
All atomic motion ceases
Winnipeggers acknowledge it’s “getting a bit nippy”