Well, it's that time of year again. Time for all us macho, pioneeer, virile, back-to-nature types to haul out our firearms and murder defenceless, cute, innoffensve little furry creatures and harmless feathered friends. There have been a few passing references in other threads to this being hunting season, and I just happen to have a few related items in the files, so I thought I'd drag them out and give them some air. This first one has been posted before, but I figured it could stand an encore in this format.
THE DEER HUNT
1:00 AM - Alarm clock rings
2:00 AM - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30 AM - Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
3:00 AM - Leave for the deep woods
3:15 AM - Return home to pick up gun
3:30 AM - Set up camp. Realize you forgot the damned tent
4:00 AM - Return home for tent. Drive like Hell to get back to woods before daylight
4:30 AM - Set up tent
6:05 AM - Head out for the woods
6:06 AM - See eight deer
6:07 AM - Take aim and squeeze the trigger
6:08 AM - CLICK
6:09 AM - Watch deer go over the hill
7:00 AM - Load gun back at camp
7:30 AM - Back to the woods
11:00 AM - Head back to camp
12:00 AM - Hopelessly lost. Fire gun for help. Eat wild berries
12:15 PM - Run out of bullets. Eight deer return
12:20 PM - Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 PM - Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 PM - Rescued
12:55 PM - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 PM - Arrive back at camp
3:30 PM - Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 PM - Return to camp for bullets
4:01 PM - Load gun. Leave camp again
5:00 PM - Empty gun at squirrel who is bugging you
6:00 PM - Arrive back at camp. See deer grazing beside tent
6:01 PM - Load gun
6:02 PM - Fire gun
6:03 PM - One dead pick-up truck
6:05 PM - Hunting partner arrives in camp dragging deer
6:06 PM - Repress desire to shoot hunting partner
6:07 PM - Fall into campfire
6:10 PM - Change clothes. Throw burned ones onto fire
6:15 PM - Take pick-up, leaving hunting partner and his deer in camp.
6:25 PM - Pick-up boils over - hole shot in block
6:26 PM - Start walking
6:30 PM - Stumble and fall. Drop gun in mud
6:35 PM - Meet bear
6:36 PM - Take aim
6:37 PM - Fire gun. Barrel explodes - plugged with mud
6:38 PM - Shit in pants
6:39 PM - Climb tree
9:00 PM - Bear finally leaves. Wrap *%!@#$% gun around tree
Midnight - Home at last