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#1 (permalink) |
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Class Clown
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 9,119
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WHAT HAPPENED TODAY IN HISTORY
732 - The invention of water. 733 - The discovery of water pollution. 1263 - A Hawaiian man, Paiilwmonoil, is the first to discover a human will not survive a leap into an active volcano. It is decided to name the volcano in his honour, but no one could pronounce it. 1284 - Baskin-Robins introduces one flavour. 1537 - The pocket is invented by the inhabitants of a small fishing village, Popiel, in southern France. They were originally used to carry bait and came to be called the Popiel pocket fishermen. 1631 - A 20,000 mile wide meteor smashes into the earth. Fortunately, it occurs during the night when everyone is asleep, so the damage goes unnoticed. 1782 - First U.S. Supreme Court decision, 8 - 1; Justices are required to wear clothes under their black robes. (Later repealed with the admission of women to the bench.) 1837 - The Polish jokes is invented, replacing the previous standard - the Zulu joke. 1853 - The baseball is introduced. However, the first game was not played until 1862, when the bat is invented. 1863 - Peter Pan visits Never-Never-Land with a fairy. 1873 - The first documented sighting of an unidentified flying object is made in Russia by Pavlov Ufo. All subsequent sightings are named in his honour. 1928 - Henny Youngman tells his first joke at the Boston Comedy Club and Produce Market. He is shown little respect by 138 tomatoes. 1937 - Sheepskin condoms are introduced. Great difficulty is encountered in getting the sheep to wear them. 1948 - Danny Quayle takes his first spelling test. His failing grade was later pardoned by President Bush. Coincidentally, Danny’s science project was growing a potatoe plant. 1949 - Artificial ice is created, spawning the possibility of year-round hockey. This event came one year after the invention of artificial water. 1963 - Amtrak announces its maiden run from Chicago to Phoenix. “We’re going to crash this one, just to get things off on the right track,” announced President Loco Motive. 1966 - Flipper, famed television animal actor, is killed when he, in a drunken rage, attacks the “Chicken of the Sea” tuna processing facility. He and his show are canned. 1976 - Rock legend Janice Joplin dies, thus ending her lifelong ambition to become the first woman President of the United States. 1981 - Rocker “Prince”, (a.k.a. some unpronounceable symbol) undergoes a sex change operation. He is now neither. 1982 - Keith Moon, drummer for the rock group “The Who”, dies of a massive drug overdose. The resulting explosion also kills 86 fans. 1990 - Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro, dies after choking on a cigar. (Okay, so he didn’t die, but we can hope.) 1991 - Daniel Peterson is born in Elk Ridge, Ohio. He’s not famous yet, but wait till he grows up. 1992 - Angela Lansbury, of “Murder, She Wrote” fame, dies at 67. She is not informed, because her ratings continue to be so high. Her murder remains unsolved, though the sheriff is suspected. 1993 - Rap superstar “Yo Bro” dies during a concert. He chokes on his tongue, which had tied itself into a knot during one of his songs. He leaves a video will, but nobody can translate it. 1994 - Peter Pan claims Michael Jackson molested a fairy in Never-Never-Land. Birthdays 1592 - Zsa Zsa Gabor born on this date. 1681 - Dick Clark born on this date. 387, 849, 1240, 1488, 1721, 1857, 1944 - Shirley Maclain born on these dates.
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![]() Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!" |
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#5 (permalink) |
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Fan of confusion
![]() ![]() ![]() Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind
Posts: 26,060
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Hey Bump... I think you forgot one of the most important dates in modern history.... the invention of the internet by Al Gore !!! The man single handily changed the world and deserves some credit here (but please don't tell Al the internet was really invented in '72... he's kinda touchy and his wife is kinda scary)
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