FORUM FUN FEATURE!! The Parenting Test

[Bumper]

The Parenting Test

How many times have you heard the comment that people have to take a test to drive a car, but anyone is allowed to be a parent, without regard to their qualifications or suitability for the undertaking? A test is needed. And not one with a bunch of Bozo questions like, “How many servings of fresh vegetables are required for a three-year-old female child living in Boise?” No, this test will ask the REAL questions. Are you ready to find out if you have the right stuff to be a parent in the new millennium? Get those No.2 pencils ready, and let’s keep our eyes on our own papers, people.

Section One - Mathematics

For each of the following problems, estimate the total number of times this phrase is used per parent per week. (2 points per question)
___ 1. I don’t care what the other kids get to do.
___ 2. ...and this time I really mean it.
___ 3. Somebody’s going to get hurt doing that.
___ 4. See, I told you somebody was going to get hurt doing that.
___ 5. Now we’re REALLY going to be late.
___ 6. One...I’m counting, Two...I’m counting...
___ 7. Because I’m the Mommy (Daddy).
___ 8. Let’s not discuss this at the dinner table.
___ 9. Why is your brother (sister) crying?
___ 10. Okay...but only five more minutes.


Section Two - Fill In The Blanks

Write the correct word in the blank. (3 points per question)
1. Tickle me __________.
2. __________ Meals.
3. The Berenstein __________.
4. Clifford, the Big ______ Dog.
5. ____________ Nuggets.
6. 101 ____________ .
7. Please won’t you be my __________?


Section Three - Matching

Match each vocabulary word with its definition. (4 points per question)
1. Amoxicillin
2. Legos
3. Pull-Ups
4. Push-Ups
5. Tubes

___ A. Small bits of plastic designed to accentuate any style of carpeting.
___ B. Either a recreational device originally designed for hamsters, but since adapted for use by children in fast-food restaurants, OR that which is placed in ears when the item in “C” fails.
___ C. A pink substance which is generally a regular part of a toddler’s diet.
___ D. A frozen food totally devoid of any nutritional value.
___ E. A disposable article of clothing which one swears will only be necessary for a few more weeks.


Section Four - Problem Solving

Briefly describe the solution for each of the following situations. (5 points per question)
1. It is 8:50 AM. School starts at 9:00 AM. Where are your car keys?
2. She says that he started it. He maintains that she started it. Who’s right?
3. You are attempting to go to the post office with two very large packages, two very small children, and no available parking spaces in the immediate area. How do you accomplish this?
4. At 7:00 PM, you must be at dance class with Debbie, Cub Scouts with Jimmy, and soccer with Barbie. Without resorting to Solomon’s manoeuver, how will this come to pass?


Section Five - Essay Question

Answer the following question, and defend your choice. (19 points)
Which of the “Big V’s” has made the most significant contribution to parenting...Velcro, Vacuum Cleaners, or the VCR?

[Beachnutt719]

Why do I remember all this stuff? My "baby" is 19!

[denisea]

Funny as always, Bumper. I also remember my parents saying....

• Go ask your Mother (father)?
• Just wait until your Father gets home!
• That's it no ________ for you.
• You're grounded.
• If you two don't stop fighting, I'm going to _________.

The last one reminds me of a story that my sister, Mom and I were just recently reminiscing about....

My sister is 4.5 years younger than me. We were typical siblings, fighting constantly in public and only getting along when there was nobody around. So as one might expect, car rides regardless of how short or long they were resulted in fighting, which I know drove my parents crazy.

On this particular day, Mom was driving the two of us back from town.... some afterschool activity, I think. Anyway, as was typical, my sister and I, who were both still in grade school, start fighting with each other in the car. Can't even remember what about.... I'm sure it was something stupid. As was also typical, Mom comes out with her classic line:

"If you two don't stop fighting, so help me Hannah, I'm going to stop this car right here and the two of you are going to get out and can walk home."

Aside: Does anyone know who the heck "Hannah" is? Or where the expression, "so help me Hannah" comes from? My mother always used it and it's always baffled me.

Now, of course, my sister and I are both thinking:

"Yeah, right. She says that all the time and never even stops the car. Even if she stops the car she'll never make us actually get out and walk home. She'll never do it."

So we continue fighting.

Apparently, Mom wasn't having a good day. Her patience had either run out or she had finally decided to teach the two of us a lesson. Because true to her word, she not only stopped the car, she actually made us get out and walk home. Of course, once out of the car, the fighting continued briefly as the two of us were now fighting over who was to blame for our current predicament. All the while thinking that Mom, the old softy, would never really make us walk all the way home and would soon come back to get us. Mind you it was at least 3 miles from our house. (And no, I'm not exaggerating.) Were we ever wrong.... my sister and I had to walk the entire way home, arriving just before dark.

I imagine if she had done this today, she would run the risk of being arrested for abandonment or endangering a minor or something of that nature. Funny how some things have changed, while others have remained the same.

[Nerak936]

I just can't imagine the intestinal fortitude and patience it takes to be a parent and not eat your young.

One time when the family was on a weeklong trip, we were at a restaurant in Ticonderoga, New York. My brothers and I (ages around 11, 8, and 4) were goofing around with the dinner rolls, slicing them almost in 1/2 and then "talking" with them at each other. We weren't being loud or "bad", but we didn't stop it when told to (and probably numerous times). I guess the trip had taken its toll on Mom at that point and was probably 2" away from a total meltdown. She simply grabbed her pocketbook, got up from the table, and walked out of the restaurant (of course Dad was still there). I can still remember how shocked we were that she did that. "She just LEFT US!!!" Dad said the looks on our faces were priceless: open-jawed and totally speechless.

Years and years later my older brother would love to grab a roll and do the same thing at Mom...just to remind her of what "dahhylings" we all were as children!

[Critter]

Denise - Just be glad she didn't have time to pack up and move before you guys got home!. Great story.

[mckinzie]

Denise,
I take it the both of you see eye to eye now.

[denisea]

Originally Posted by mckinzie

Denise,
I take it the both of you see eye to eye now.

My Mom or my sister? I am literally eye to eye with Mom. But of the 3 girls (I have another sister 16.5 years younger than me), I'm the shortest. So not really eye to eye.

Oh... you weren't talkin about height, were you? Yes, we all see eye to eye now and get along great. That is when we see each other, which isn't often because I live in NC, one sister in lives in RI, the other lives in IA and Mom lives in CT. Getting together is always a challenge. But we enjoy the times we do get to spend together.

[Ginger]

I like this one:

2. She says that he started it. He maintains that she started it. Who’s right?


The answer in our family 99.9% of the time is HIM.

Our son and daughter are 13 months apart, but miles apart in personality. She's very quiet, grounded, compassionate, kind, (but with the attitude of an almost-10-year-old girl...yikes) and he's a loud, social, risk-taker, mischevious, and class-clown. He's the bugging, annoying, poking, pony-tail pulling little brother.

Hubby and I are pretty easy-going personalities, so we parent in the same way, and with a lot of humour and friendship, versus too much totalitarian authority. But we've been known to lose our cool too! Usually heard in our house:

• Leave your sister alone!
• I'm warning you! One....two....If I get to three......
• Leave your sister alone!
• Because I'm your mother! (I always swore I'd never say that!!)
• Leave your sister alone!
• I'll turn this car around and go home (never happens...bad follow through)
• Leave your sister alone!

Consequences in our houses are swift and cruel...loss of coveted computer time (yup, kids are up-and-coming computer geeks too) and bike time.

I like Denisea's story, maybe I"ll try that next time they're screaming at each other in the car....haha.

[denisea]

Here's another way to keep the kids from fighting during long car rides that worked for my girlfriend when her kids were little (they're both adults now).

My girlfriend and her husband, who live just outside Rochester, NY, decided to take the kids to Disney World. To save money, they also decided they would drive rather than fly. At the start of the trip, my girlfriend gave each child a roll of quarters. She explained to them that the roll of quarters was theirs to keep with one stipulation. Each time they fought, they would have to pay her a quarter. So it was totally up to them, how much money they got to keep. Well, it worked.... I think a total of 75¢ was paid by each child the entire trip.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by denisea

My girlfriend and her husband, who live just outside Rochester, NY, decided to take the kids to Disney World. To save money, they also decided they would drive rather than fly. At the start of the trip, my girlfriend gave each child a roll of quarters. She explained to them that the roll of quarters was theirs to keep with one stipulation. Each time they fought, they would have to pay her a quarter. So it was totally up to them, how much money they got to keep. Well, it worked.... I think a total of 75¢ was paid by each child the entire trip.

Good one, Denisea! I'm going to use that one in November!

But quarters wouldn't be big enough game for my kids on the long drive from BC to Orlando. We'll have to use roll's of loonie's or toonie's (one and two dollar coins, for you non-Canadians). Then they may have a loonie or two left at the end of it if they're lucky

[mckinzie]

Originally Posted by denisea

My Mom or my sister? I am literally eye to eye with Mom. But of the 3 girls (I have another sister 16.5 years younger than me), I'm the shortest. So not really eye to eye.

Oh... you weren't talkin about height, were you? Yes, we all see eye to eye now and get along great. That is when we see each other, which isn't often because I live in NC, one sister in lives in RI, the other lives in IA and Mom lives in CT. Getting together is always a challenge. But we enjoy the times we do get to spend together.

Okay Denise ,
was that a short joke

BTW,
your only 35 years old , how could that be possible having sister
16.5 years younger.

[denisea]

Originally Posted by mckinzie

Okay Denise ,
was that a short joke

Yes, I suppose it was.

Originally Posted by mckinzie

BTW,
your only 35 years old , how could that be possible having sister
16.5 years younger.

Aren't you sweet.... however, that birthday has come and gone quite a few years ago.

[mckinzie]

Originally Posted by denisea

Aren't you sweet.... however, that birthday has come and gone quite a few years ago.

No way

[denisea]

Originally Posted by mckinzie

No way

Way!

Here I'll give you a few hints....

I was born on the same day as President McKinley, W.C. Fields, Tom Selleck, Dolly Parton, and Oprah Winfrey. However, they're all older than me.... by 8 to 119 years.

On my actual birthday, the actor Nicholas Turturro (James Martinez-NYPD Blue) was born, the Austrian violinist Fritz Kreisler died, Yves Saint Laurent presented his first clothing collection, and "The Twist" by Chubby Checker was at the top of the music charts.

On my first birthday, the first inductees into the Football Hall of Fame were announced and the poet Robert Frost died.

Now can you guess my age and birthday?

[mckinzie]

Originally Posted by denisea

Way!

Here I'll give you a few hints....

I was born on the same day as President McKinley, W.C. Fields, Tom Selleck, Dolly Parton, and Oprah Winfrey. However, they're all older than me.... by 8 to 119 years.

On my actual birthday, the actor Nicholas Turturro (James Martinez-NYPD Blue) was born, the Austrian violinist Fritz Kreisler died, Yves Saint Laurent presented his first clothing collection, and "The Twist" by Chubby Checker was at the top of the music charts.

On my first birthday, the first inductees into the Football Hall of Fame were announced and the poet Robert Frost died.

Now can you guess my age and birthday?

1962 42 years young
How was Keith so lucky to get a young lady like you