dumb joke - got one?

[flugie]

Originally Posted by tgd156

Whats The Difference Between A Harley Davidson And A Hoover Vacuum Cleaner.
On The Harley, The Dirtbag Is On The Outside.

i heard it as the vacuum sucks and the harley blows
---or----
what do they have in common?
they both suck.....

[HMH G]

So I dunno if this one was already said, but I'ma say it anyway just because it is the cutest stupid joke I've ever heard. Something like this... give or take.


So Tin and Silver were sitting at the bar when Gold walked in. Silver glances over his shoulder at Gold and shouts says "A U, git outta here"


Yea yea better in person.

[racsanone]

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was standing in
the check out line. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog...

I was feeling a bit crabby, so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The
Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because the last time I tried
it I ended up in the hospital, but that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened
in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of almost everywhere and IV's
in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. So I went on and on with the bogus diet
story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive
diet and that the way it works is to just load your pockets or purse with Purina
nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package says
the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she
asked if I thought something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I
ended up in the hospital. I said no... I was sitting in the road licking my butt
when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

[Seadawg]

You just have to sing along....with the 72 year old King!!!

[Seadawg]

JUST THINK, ELVIS WOULD BE 72 THIS YEAR!
If Elvis had lived longer, he possibly would have re-written, "Are You Lonesome Tonight,"
Here's how it might have turned out. Turn up speakers and
sing along!Click on the link below.





Are You Lonesome Tonight (Senior Citizen Version)

[WornOutTire]

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and
this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what
the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?'

[kayt707]

this one may be in here but it's definetely a dumb joke.

three men walk into a bar. you'd think the last one would've ducked

[horizon200]

Whats Big and Grey and insignificant?



An Irrelephant!

[swimer7]

Old Mike was one of the nursing home residents. One morning he was walking down the hall and walked up to Nurse Sharon and said, "Sharon, do you know how old I am today?" Sharon said "Well no I don't Mike, how old are you today." Old Mike said "I'm eighty years old today." Sharon said, "Well you sure don't look that old Mike." And he went on down the hallway very happy. Suddenly he saw Old Martha. Mike walked up to Martha (another resident who had to be well into her seventies) and Mike said, "Bet you can't guess how old I am today Martha." Martha said "I bet I can." Mike said, "Well how old am I?" Martha said "just step into my room here for a second and I'll tell you." So Mike walked in and Martha closed the door and locked it. Mike said, "Now tell me how old I am today." Martha said, "not so fast......pull down your pants.........to which Mike said, "WHAT?" and Martha said, "do you want me to tell you or not?" So he thought what the heck and pulled down his pants. Martha walked over to him and started fondling his "privates" and this went on for a little while and Mike finnally said, "Well Martha are you going to tell me how old you think I am or not?" Martha said "Well Ok, your eighty today." Mike with a puzzled looked said how did you guess that, to which Martha said, "I heard you tell Nurse Sharon, you silly old fool!"

[PlayaGroom]

What did the Mexican Bombero name his two sons?

Hose-A (Jose) and Hose-B

Heard it on a rerun of Raymond tonight, thought it was post-worthy.

[Sue]

Someone just e-mailed this to me. The odds are good that someone's posted it before, but here goes:

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee."
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon dripping with moisture, fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!
Eet EES a bacon tree!"
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?
We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon, ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters with Pepe following closely behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man, you was right...ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees..........

Ees...

Ees.........

Ees....






Eees a Ham bush!

[kayt707]

this is actually one for the guys. Now you have to play along.

Okay picture a very tiny blonde, brunette, and redhead.

Pick up the blonde
Rub her on your sholder...feel like the first time you had sex?


No? okay pick up the brunette
rub her on your sholder...feel like the first time you had sex?


No? Pick up the red head
rub her on your sholder... feel like the first time you had sex?

No?......


pick up all three of them in your hand.
Shake them up.....

Feel like the first time you had sex?

[WornOutTire]

Originally Posted by kayt707

this is actually one for the guys. Now you have to play along.

Okay picture a very tiny blonde, brunette, and redhead.

Pick up the blonde
Rub her on your sholder...feel like the first time you had sex?


No? okay pick up the brunette
rub her on your sholder...feel like the first time you had sex?


No? Pick up the red head
rub her on your sholder... feel like the first time you had sex?

No?......


pick up all three of them in your hand.
Shake them up.....

Feel like the first time you had sex?

[HMH G]

I don't get it =/

[kayt707]

Originally Posted by HMH G

I don't get it =/

you have to follow the directions and do all the movements