dumb joke - got one?

[BonnyW]

Originally Posted by Ranger

Which is better, French kissing or English muffin???

Baygals

[u2girlie]

How do you make holy water?











You boil the hell out of it!

[Ranger]

There’s a bunch of these…

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel



What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?

Bob

[mlsbkp]

or the guy with no arms and legs laying in front of the door?

Matt

[mlsbkp]

What did the fish say when it hit the concrete?

Dam

[Daddy B]

Sarah Palin

[Seadawg]

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
Community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flakey at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

His wife Play Dough, three children, survives doughboy: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.

JD

[Seadawg]

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever! The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra Slight variations were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone!
The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6 Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your pee pee. This is your pee pee on drugs.

[Seadawg]

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both
hands.
'Actually, no,' he replied.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him,’ she whispered,
'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies
room.'

Hey it's a slow day at work...what can I say... JD

[Seadawg]

A Priest was about to finish
his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission
In the jungle where he has spent years teaching
the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them
was how to speak English.

He takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and Says to the chief, 'This is a tree.'
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, 'Tree.'
The Priest is pleased with the response. They
walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, 'This is a rock.'
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, 'Rock.'
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about
the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of Natives in the midst of heavy
sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly
responds, 'Man riding a bike.'
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out
his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief
that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be
kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that
way?

The chief replied, 'My bike.'

[Mogley]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”

[syl]

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.


Love and appreciate all the women in your life.

[Seadawg]

Bar Stool Economics


Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten
comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it
would go something like this:


The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.


So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every
day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the
owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he
said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks
for the ten now cost just $80.


The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the
first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But
what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they
divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted
that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would
each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested
that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same
amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.


And so:


The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).


Each of the six was better off than before And the first four continued
to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to
compare their savings.


'I only got a dollar out of the $20', declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'


'Yeah, that's right', exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar,
too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!'
'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back
when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'


'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get
anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'


The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.


The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat
down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill,
they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!


And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our
tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most
benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being
wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might
start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.


David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia


For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.


Well if this dude can't get it right we are hosed!
JD

[Ranger]

in a nut shell!

[Thor Henning]

Originally Posted by Seadawg

Bar Stool Economics
----------
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our
tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most
benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being
wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might
start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.


David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

Ok, it says Bar Stool Economics. Otherwise I think David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. should read some Economics.