FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Pregnancy Questions & Answers

[Bumper]

Never having been pregnant, or having had to live with someone who was, I'm talking this information on faith. Perhaps some of you who have undergone the experience (like a certain Forum Administrator of our acquaintance) might care to comment?

Pregnancy Questions and Answers


Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Q: What is the easiest way to determine exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Q: What is the most common craving during pregnancy?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: My blood type is O-positive and my husband’s is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A: The jig is up.

Q: My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A: Your therapist.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for enlarged noses are dominant, my baby will almost certainly have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A: The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q: Since I’ve become pregnant, my breasts, my rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A: Depends on what you’re doing with them.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often I notice strangers smiling at me. Why?
A: Because you’re fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant, and has become so moody that’s she’s frequently irrational.
A: So, what’s your question, idiot?

Q: Is it likely I’ll love my dog less when the baby is born?
A: No, but you may find your husband significantly more annoying.


Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be described as a brisk breeze.

Q: Is there any reason that I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: I’m extremely modest. Once I’m in the delivery room, who all will be able to see me in such a delicate position?
A: Authorized personnel only - doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, housekeeping staff, journalists, pizza delivery drivers, etc.

Q: Does pregnancy cause haemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you choose to blame it for.

Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A: In your breasts.

Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A: Yes, baby lips.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means a new mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: How does one sterilize nipples?
A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q: What are the “terrible twos”?
A: Your breasts, when your baby stops nursing.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it’s much more convenient if she removes the baby from her breast and puts it to sleep first.

Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they’re thrown away?
A: They’re stored in a huge silo in Nebraska, in the event of global chemical warfare.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: What are night terrors?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she’s pregnant again.

Q: Our new baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kid is in college.

[Michele]

Yes. All of the above!!!

[Avalon]

sad but true!

[SunKneeMarie]

Man that delivery room one sure is accurate... what a parade of people wandering through my LDR room... if I could have only charged admission....

[Shammy]

Yep, I gotta second that one too SunKnee....

I ended up having a "C" (for those not in the know on this topic, that's a c-section) with my first nino. When the nurse came in with the razor and shaving cream, since it was so close to St. Paddy's Day, we decided that since I couldn't go to the parade in NY City that year, where we always get shamrocks painted on our faces (hence the name Shammy )we'd have a little fun too. I instructed her to "shave me in the shape of a shamrock", which she did.
Of course, how was I to know that she would drag the rest of the workers on the floor into my room to see how beautiful her "artwork" was!
Don't even want to tell you how many times I was asked to "lift up my gown...come on, just one more time..pretty please...we'll give you extra drugs".

[Critter]

Shammy, be careful what you ask for - too funny

[Shammy]

Originally Posted by Critter

Shammy, be careful what you ask for - too funny

What? I didn't ask for the extra drugs! :p

[TAPPY]

Originally Posted by Shammy

What? I didn't ask for the extra drugs! :p

Shammy, dont know how old you are, but back in the days when I had Gracie they gave out "the really good stuff" !!!!!!!! Wow I still dream about it !!!!
Talk about "ohhhhhhh what a feeling" !!!!
Childbirth was a walk in the park back then !!!!